#and everyone’s upset and it’s all my fault because i told my cousins my mom would be okay with it so!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatdodoanonx · 5 months ago

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Hey Dodo!!

I haven't heard from you in a bit, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing! I think about you regularly, and although I know it is a silly wish considering your circumstances, I hope you are doing well. And I hope that one day you will be safe and sound, and that that day comes soon.

I love you, truly

Hi everyone this not so quick update about my state, it has some heavy topics so I'm gonna put some trigger warning please keep that in mind and don't worry I'll get to everything eventually

TW: Suicide, Self Harm, COSA, Religious Trauma, Abuse

Now with that being said I wanna start by saying Hi, it's been almost a year since the whole thing happened, it was emotional rollercoaster but I can assure I'm still alive and start my journey to recover ❤️‍🩹

Did I leave home?

No but my mom got a promotion out of the town and I only see her once sometimes twice a week, she did try to make me move with her but couldn't because of college (I only got one year left YAY!!)

Is she still a pain ?

Yeah nothing changed about her she is still as controlling, she gave me back my phone but put a child lock on it so I won't be able to access any app except the ones related to college, and she gave me back my laptop (which I'm using to write this on it)

Ok now onto the heavy topics, I found myself relapsing into my old bad habit, cutting and biting myself until it bleeds I haven't done that since highschool,to put it blunt I didn't have irl friends or at least a support system, and metal health in my country is a taboo and being from a well known family in a small town isn't helping, so the idea of a therapy is out of the window, and being alone with my thoughts didn't help

And then my first attempting, idk why but I couldn't do it I guess I was scared, no one was home that day and even had razors but I couldn't. I was able to find my dad's old laptop and typed for suicide hotline and to my surprise there was. The lady on the phone helped me a lot because I was going through a bad panic attack. At the end of the call she told me to talk to my mom about it, she's a doctor after all and there's no shame in it, but come on now that's my we're talking about. I told her I'll try

Fast forward: I was visiting mom in the city she's working now at, the job comes with a free rental apartment, anyway me and her had a heart to conversation and me being the idiot that I am thought about it was opportunity to talk about some childhood trauma, it's painful to talk about it but don't worry I'm coming with the term that it wasn't my fault. (I'll highlights the next paragraph so don't have to read it if it upset you I'm writing it so u can understand the context)

I was a victim of COSA (child on child sexual assault) by my cousin who is the same age as me (we both were 7 at the time) , she unfortunately had an early access to internet and would show me sexual images. I told my cousin about the bulling I was going through school because I like a boy and said I would marry him (which extremely forbidden in my Religious school) so my bullies made a rumor about me being a loss child and I would going out which older boys, the rumors were so bad one of the teachers pulled me aside and confronted me about it, she knew I was a good kid so there was no way.

I told my cousin about it, I trusted her and what do you she did? That's right she blackmailed and told me I didn't do whatever she wanted she would tell my mom about my secret. So there I was me and her in a small room at our grandma's house, things happened I don't want to recall and I don't think I'll be able. no matter how I begged and cry, I just kept numbing myself until it's over, this still habit I have , one the thing I do to survive

I told mom about, my childhood trauma, my suicide attempt. she was understandly horrified, she tried to comfort me but this processed to say it was my fault that I let that happen, I told her I was scared and still a child

Then I told that I was messed up and need a professional help to which she said "we don't need that I'll fix you myself"

The next day me and her got into a fight over something stupid to which she as always had to pull the secrets I told her against me "Why don't you fucking kill yourself already? You said wanted to do it, huh? Now it's your time at least you'll save a headache" she said that in front of my brother

I know whenever she gets mad she would go so low but even that was low for her, that was the one time I trusted her with something so personal I never told to anyone and somehow she managed to shutter every lasting trust I had in her. Part of me still thought everything she would do was out of love, that was tough love and she only hurt me because she care but I guess at that moment truly open my eyes

I came to her that night and told her that what she said really hurt me and I trusted her with something very personal to which she dismissed and said "oh [name] me and you know well that you'll never kill yourself, you're too coward anyway"

Out of all the things she said to me that has to cruelest thing ever, maybe because part of me know she was right but I didn't think she would say it out loud

After that everything went blur for me, summer course I started to see her less and less. In the few weeks without her were strange to say the least. I come home and it's... quiet? No shouting, no yelling, no screaming no nothing. It was weird, I didn't know what to do with that quiet, I felt if I relaxed to much she might jump out of nowhere and scream at me, but I have to say it was nice, I felt like I can breathe? Like no one is watching everything I do waiting for me to make a mistake. It is not ideal she still come every week but honestly it's better than nothing. I started to write a little in my notes every now and then, I even started to draw again. Both brought me comfort, and I even allowed myself to make friends, it's not a big group but hey we get along. There's on in particular friend group I'm close to the most, she's lovely, keep talking and texting me to check, I gotta say it was a bit overwhelming but I'll never tell her to stop because that's how she shows she care

Life has been slow lately, same old routine but I'm more happy and more idk calm? I mean a few months ago I thought I won't be alive today and what do you know! I turned 23 two mouths ago (happy late birthday to I guess?) I think that is a good a step for me start healing, it won't happen over night but I know it will be worth it

Thanks to everyone on who still checking on me, I know it was a long update, but I'm thankful you took time to read it

I hope there's a next, see you soon

-🦤

#dodo talk #ask

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neuro-gal-thoughts · 2 years ago

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I'll Never Fit In

This morning I cried.

Because I realized I will never fit into clothes off the rack in Tokyo.

I watched a video of a very brave creator who spoke of visiting Tokyo recently. They are recovering from an Eating Disorder and they had to cope with visiting Tokyo and not fitting into clothes at shops in Tokyo (when they used to fit in the clothes).

The video really hit me hard in a way I wasn't prepared for.

Like almost anyone AFAB, I've struggled with my own special path of disordered eating and silent suffering of body checking myself. So it was already a moving video to see someone be so honest about their struggles.

But what really hit me is the knowledge that Tokyo/Japan is not unique in terrible availability in sizes and styles for anything bigger than a size 4 (US). A lot of Asian countries don't have a big size range.

And so when we get generalized ideas/representation for Asian women, I have never felt included in that demographic.

I've often felt like one of the first things people tend to say about Asian Women Facts is that "Asian women are small."

I never asked anyone if they thought I was fat because why ask when my mom, aunts, sister, and girl cousins (and my dad, uncles, older brother, and boy cousins) personified me as "Fatty"?

My mom's nickname for my sister was "Baby", even to this day my mom will sometimes refer to her as that nickname.

My mom's nickname for me was "Fatty" and I don't even know who all called me that instead my real name until I was an angsty emo teenager and for some reason that instilled fear into people and they started calling me by my real name. Thankfully, I can't recall the last time my mom called me by the nickname she coined me when I was...IDK an infant?

My sister got the good nickname because she was skinny and pretty, and I got the bad nickname because I was fat and ugly; that was the only way I could make sense of it as a kid.

I just mean to say, growing up I was told that Asian women are known for their small-ness. Small height, small feet, small bodies.

And as a kid, I was called "Fatty" by everyone in my life but my teachers, classmates, and younger siblings.

At the age of 10 I began developing breasts. My thighs and hips began getting bigger. No one ever said anything about my ass but by 13, I knew I had a big ass. Everyone told me I had huge boobs.

Well, girls did. My gay friends did. My mom always did.

Thinking back now, I feel like my mom hated my growing body as if it was my fault that I was developing differently than from my sister and how my mom did when she was my age.

My mom was "chubby" when I was a kid, but I saw from old pictures that my mom was thin before she had kids.

So she saw my body as a failure. My body betrayed me before I even had a baby, unlike her.

I was born fat and ugly. I didn't start life thin and pretty. Unlike her.

And it's not lost on me that my mom probably wouldn't have hated me and my curvy body so much if I didn't also have a belly.

I spent a lot of years being upset about my belly.

I read an article on Kate Winslet once. I was probably 13 or 14. Kate talked about how a journalist had called her fat and she responded to the comment with something along the lines of not caring about fitting into slim expectations, and besides, she has a flat belly anyway. AKA She's not that fat, OK?

At the time, I recall when I looked in the mirror, I didn't have a thin frame like my sister, I had a flat enough belly though, like Kate Winslet. So I wasn't that fat.

But by the time I was 16, my belly grew too.

I spent so many years hating that my belly grew too, that fat collected there too. I thought that I would have been "OK" had I stopped gaining weight and my body stopped developing at the age of 13.

At 13 I was terrified of knowing my dress size, but suffice to say, I knew I didn't fit the sizes that other Asian girls wore. And this was in the US.

My sister and cousins traded clothes but I didn't fit in my sister's clothes so I knew that I couldn't trade clothes with them. So that meant I couldn't be fashionable like them.

Just to say, as a girl in the US, I didn't fit in with the Asian kids. Looking over at Asian kids from Asian countries, I felt like I especially didn't fit in with them.

As an adult still living in the US, I've worked a lot on accepting my body as it is and feeling grateful that there are progresses being made in accepting more body sizes (though there is so much more to go because the anti-fat bias is still strong).

But I still have to remind myself that other cultures have their own setbacks.

And I know I shouldn't just try to connect with Asian culture from just the Asian angle, but I really don't know if people know how lonely it feels to feel like I don't belong anywhere because I just don't fit in the boxes in the right way.

And I hate talking to people about it because I get this feeling that people think that if they make it known that they can relate it'll cure me of my insecurities.

"My mom told me that I was fat too."

Yeah, it's more than that.

It's knowing that no matter what age in my life, I have always and will always be too fat to even be considered someone worth recognizing by the Asian community.

It's knowing that there are girls and women out there who are the same size as me throughout my life and they have to navigate a society that doesn't want them there, actively doing things like limiting the size ranges available in clothing stores.

And they have no support. If anything, they're surrounded by the childhood I was able to grow out of.

And all of this in service to the idea that people don't like the sight of fat bodies.

But honestly, even in the US, I can't find clothes that fit. Size ranges suck a lot too.

No matter where I go, it just seems like I'll never fit in.

#neurodivergent #tw eating issues #tw body stuff #tw body issues #tw parental abuse #tw abuse #tw disordered eating

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 4 years ago

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Unlikely friends: Part 2

Azula comes to visit you in the earth kingdom and the two of you spend more time together leading Azula to confess her feelings.

Part one here

Part three here

Azula’s POV

Azula lasted 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days before she took you up on your offer to escape to the earth kingdom. She and Zuko had gotten into a silly argument and Azula really wanted to get away from the fire nation and him. So she wrote to you and received a reply hours later. You told her to come immediately and listed the address. So Azula was walking through the streets of an earth kingdom village searching for Toph’s school. It was pretty easy, the whole town seemed to be proud to be chosen by Toph Beifong and she passed many people in uniforms or signs boasting this was the proud location of the best earth bending school in the world. Azula knew she’d arrived when she found an 8-foot statue of Toph outside a large building. She supposed Toph herself had made it and had to admire the girl’s confidence. Azula knocked on the door but it fell open. She walked inside and could hear the soft thudding of earth bending somewhere further inside. You had only said to come to the school so Azula didn’t know what to do next. She looked around and found a child around age 10 or so. "You boy tell me where can I find y/n" she called. The boy shrugged "I don’t know". Azula narrowed her eyes "well is she teaching a class? What’s your best guess for her location?". The boy sighed "why should i tell you?". Azula had always hated children and got a strong urge to throttle the boy but she breathed deeply "because i’m a friend of hers and i need to see her". "I’ll take you to her....if you pay me, you look rich". "Five" Azula bargained and the boy shook his head "fifty". "Ten" Azula bargained but the boy shook his head "now it’s sixty". Azula broke and grabbed the boy’s sleeve as she lit her other hand on fire "listen here you little monster....” she started when someone came around the corner. “Sifu Toph this woman is attacking me!” the child cried and Azula paused letting the kid go. “Toph I....”. “Let me guess, you were looking for y/n and Lamo here asked you for money? So you threatened him”. Azula blinked “yes exactly, if you’re upset...” she started when Toph turned to the boy. “Lamo what did I tell you about choosing your opponents wisely? You see a scary fire bender and challenge her? Do you have a death wish?”. The boy stammered “sorry sifu Toph” and bowed deeply. “Enough of that now go train!” Toph barked and Azula admired how the boy ran away as fast as he could. She watched him go before awkwardly turning to your cousin. Azula had hardly spoken to the girl and the few times she had, they’d been trying to kill each other but hopefully that was in the past. “Y/n’s this way” Toph said breaking the silence and Azula just nodded following her. It was an awkward walk but as Toph was your closest family Azula wanted her to like her. “I wasn’t really going to burn him” she clarified “I was just going to scare him a bit”. Toph made a grunt in reply “the lily liver would deserve it, attacking someone from the fire nation, you people are so fickle with your honour. You taught him a good lesson about staying away from fire folk”. “You’re welcome?” Azula offered. Toph shot her a look and Azula realised she shouldn’t have said that. Thankfully they reached you before Toph could reply.

Your POV

You were in the middle of class when you heard the door open and you turned. You stopped midsentence and grinned “Azula!”. You paused realising everyone in the room, including your students were staring and coughed “Azula...if you would please just wait over there i’ll be with you soon”. Azula nodded smiling slightly and you looked away so as to not blush. “Anyway so as I was saying....” you started when Toph stepped forwards “I got this y/n, you go see to your guest”. You grinned “really?”. Toph smiled, she’d seen how your face lit up when you looked at Azula and figured you deserved an evening off. “Sure” Toph nodded and you grinned patting her arm before rushing to Azula. You led Azula outside of the gym and into your private quarters before throwing your arms around her in a hug. "It’s so good to see you but of course sorry circumstances! How are you?". Azula shrugged "i’m okay, me and Zuzu always argue it’s nothing new....thank you for letting me come here on such short notice though. I hope i didn’t cause too much of a disturbance?". "Nah that was the last class of the day so your timing was perfect". Azula blushed as you emphasised the word perfect while staring at her and you smiled. "So i’ll show you where you can put your stuff and then we can go get some food and have a catch-up! I like our letters but it just can’t compare to talking to you in person". Azula smiled pleased you felt that way also "i agree, there’s no replacement for hearing and seeing you". This time you were the one blushing but you smiled brightly and took Azula’s hand "well come on then, let's get started" and led her away.

"It was my fault" Azula sighed recounting the argument to you "i was in a bad mood because of our mother’s visit and so i was snapping at Zuko and then he snapped back". You nodded your head listening with a worried look. "And i know our mother is trying but i...i think i still have some issues with her that i should really address". You nodded your head "would you be able to discuss them with her or do you need more time to heal?". Azula shrugged "maybe, i don’t know....anyway enough about me, tell me all about your new life! How is it being a renown earth bending teacher?". You laughed “i’m not so sure about that, Toph’s the talent, I just handle the basic and beginners but I don’t mind that I’ve never been fond of children, especially as they get older and more annoying”. Azula smiled at you and you frowned “what?”. “Nothing” she smiled looking away “I just knew there was a reason I liked you”. You grinned “because I hate children?”. “Precisely” Azula nodded and you both laughed. "I wish i was around you more" Azula said suddenly and you paused managing not to blush "you do?". She nodded "i feel calmer with you, my temper here feels completely under control but at home...". "Hey the important thing is you're trying to control it" you smiled putting a hand on her arm "you’ll get the hang of it, one day at a time remember?". Azula nodded glancing at your hand on her. You went to move it away noticing when Azula put her hand on top of yours "thanks y/n".

Azula’s POV

“No problem Azula” you smiled and Azula just allowed herself to admire you. You looked so beautiful just sat on the deck of your garden smiling at her...Azula felt her breath stifle. "Why are you staring, is something wrong?" you asked as Azula gazed at you intently but she shook her head "nothing...the opposite actually, you look so beautiful". Azula had no idea where that confidence had come from but she meant what she said, here with you all her insecurities just melted away. She felt good enough, you made her feel good enough. A blush appeared on your cheeks but you only looked away for a few seconds. “You should see it from my view" you replied and Azula grinned. Azula had made her feelings clear and this was you returning them. She couldn’t be happier but she had to make sure before she moved onto the next step...

Your POV

Azula smiled and leant closer to you “y/n can i kiss you?". "I thought you’d never ask" you smirked and Azula kissed you. She held onto your cheek softly as she tenderly and almost cautiously kissed you. Azula was very gentle and you were pleasantly surprised, you found this timid Azula adorable. You pulled away and the sun made Azula’s face glow but her red cheeks were all her own. "I...i like you, a lot" Azula blushed and you smiled taking her hand "i like you too...a lot". Azula laughed "that’s a relief! It’d be awkward if you didn’t after that”. You laughed “it would be” and stroked the top of her hand “but that’s not the case, I like you with every fibre of my being. I have since our trip” you explained. Azula nodded “I did too I just didn’t realise it, i’m annoyed it took me this long but I mean to make up for the lost time”. “That sounds good” you smiled and Azula’s eyes flicked over you. “In that case....can i kiss you again?". "Yes and you can stop asking now, the answer will always be yes" you told her. "Got it" Azula nodded and you smirked at how adorable she was before leaning in to kiss her again.

The next few days were a blur with Azula. You took her all over your town and just enjoyed being totally and utterly in each others company. It was the perfect weekend for a new couple but Azula was scheduled to leave the next day putting a slight negative atmosphere over the day.

After a walk to a restaurant Azula had taken a liking to you returned to the porch where you first kissed and lounged in the sinking sunlight. “I don’t want you to go” you said softly and Azula nodded draping her arm around you and pressing her face into your hair “me either”. You melted into her more and Azula wrapped her arms around you fully. Azula held you, watching the sunset and marvelled at how perfect her visit had been. Since she was a child she didn’t think such a sweet innocent experience would ever occur to her but she was wrong. She looked down at you against her and an idea came to her.

“Come back to the fire nation with me” Azula said suddenly and you sat up surprised. “Come back...but Azula you know I have to stay here and help Toph”. “I didn’t mean permanently I just meant for the remainder of my mom’s stay? She’s only going to be another 4 days and I meant what i said, i’m better around you and i want to show my mom and Zuko that i’m not who i once was and i think i can with your help...". The tone of Azula’s voice made you sigh and you turned to face her properly "you said that knowing i wouldn’t be able to resist didn’t you?". Azula smiled "i suspected appealing to your selfless kind nature might help". "Stop flattering i’ll come back with you" you rolled your eyes and Azula gasped. "Y/n thank you!" she cried peppering your face and lips with kisses. You pretended to be annoyed but seeing Azula’s genuine happiness at the thought of you coming back with her made you smile.

Azula’s POV

You stayed out on the porch long after the sunset and when you did stumble inside you both jumped to see Toph sat in the room. “Nice night?” she asked. Azula felt her hand in yours and knew even though the girl was blind she could sense things like this. Azula glanced at you but you didn’t seem nervous. “We did thank you, how about you?”. Toph nodded her head “I did, y/n can you please do and tell Raosheng in the village that I will be requiring his help running the school while you are in the fire nation?”. Azula jolted expecting an argument but again you didn’t tense. “I have already sent him a letter but I will go and make sure he knows, be right back” you smiled and walked out the door. Silence settled and Azula stared at Toph in horror. Toph was basically your only family, the person who meant the most to you in the world...if she didn’t get on with her that could wreck the whole relationship. Azula cleared her throat “so you heard our conversation about y/n visiting me?”. Toph nodded her head “I didn’t mean to but I got worried you were trying to poach my best teacher”. “No i’d never try and take her from you, I know how much you both care for one another” Azula rushed to reassure her. Toph made a noise and stood up going to leave the room. “Do you...did you hear anything else?” Azula asked and Toph paused. “I know you’re dating my cousin if that’s what you mean”. Azula went to ask how when Toph laughed “the two of you aren’t subtle, y/n’s always worn her heart on her sleeve but even she was too blissfully happy for it to be because of your presence alone, no offence”. “None taken” Azula shrugged. She supposed Toph must be fine with it and so satisfied her relationship wasn’t in danger went to leave the room when the door closed. “I trust y/n to make good decisions” Toph said suddenly “she a good judge of character and she trusts you so I do too...but if you ever harm or hurt her....you’re powerful but I took you out once and I’ll do it again”. “That was in the eclipse” Azula pointed out before she smiled “but I understand, trust me I have no intentions of ever harming her or letting her get hurt, she’s one of the few people I would never let anything happen to”. Toph nodded “I believe you will honour that promise, you better...” and left the room.

The next day

You and Azula stood waiting for the airship and Azula kept glancing at you often. “I’m not going anywhere, I promised to come with you so I am” you said and she jumped “was I that obvious?”. You smiled “just a little bit” and took her hand discreetly. Azula knew the earth kingdom was worse than the fire nation for judging same-sex relationships and so stood up taller ready to defend you if necessary. “So how was your conversation with Toph?” you asked and her posture slumped. “You knew she was going to give me the protective sibling talk! You left us alone together on purpose”. “Of course!” you grinned “I knew Toph wanted to get her threats out of the way and so i’m sorry but I let her, I figured you of all people could handle it”. Azula nodded “I managed to convince her I won’t harm you or ever let anyone else hurt you, so yes you were right”. “I figured that when I came back and the school was still standing” you joked. Azula smiled “I wouldn’t attack her she’s your family, but if she attacked me first....well that’s just retaliation”. You laughed and smiled at Azula “thank you for being so perfect this weekend, now it’s my turn to try and do the same in your home”. Azula took your hand “you’ll be perfect I promise”. “Well I guess there’s only one way to find out” you said and nodded to the airship that had appeared in the sky. “Are you ready?” Azula asked as the ship came closer. You nodded and squeezed her hand tighter “next stop the fire nation”.

____

Next and final part the fire nation!!

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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

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If I Stay Part Two (Final) // Luke Patterson

Summary: Life as you knew it shattered and now you’re left picking up the pieces with memories of a boy with hazel eyes in your dreams. A handsome guitarist who easily becomes your unseen number one supporter. If only you could see him again.

Warning: Swearing, mention of injuries, mention of car accident and talk of death.

Words: 2.5k (excluding the song lyrics of “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts)

A/N: Second and last part to If I Stay! I really enjoyed this story because I adored Charlie St. Cloud and I really enjoyed If I Stay. The second part to Lost Time will be up soon when I feel confident in the storyline of it.

If I Stay Part One

Masterlist

In a split second for the first time, you felt yourself, poof, away to a sterile white room staring down at the person in the bed. Covered in cuts and bruises of all colours, was you. A broken version of you that made you sick to your stomach. You desperately yearned to go back to being unaware.

“I’m…a ghost?” You breathed looking at your blemish-free hands, a juxtaposition to the arm in a cast. Then in a nauseating thought, the grief faded for fear on your family. Had they survived? You ran out of the room straight to a nurse, “Where are my parents! Where’s my cousin Lou?”

Of course, the nurse was unaware of an upset, emotional teenage girl, a victim of a car crash and in a battle for her life. Realizing no one would answer you spent hours running around the hospital searching for your parents or Lou.

“Lou!” You shouted through the halls unfazed as you ran literally through gurneys and medical equipment even the odd doctor.

At the very last room, you found Lou sitting up in a bed staring silently at the white wall with an official man seated by the side of her bed. He held a clipboard in his hand.

“Lou, how are you feeling?” The man spoke, his white coat embroidered with his profession and labelling him a psychiatrist.

“Fine.”

“You’ve suffered a trau-“

“I’m aware. I was there. I saw a paramedic violently hitting my cousin’s chest, I saw so much blood. I didn’t know there could be that much blood!” Lou snapped glaring the man down, “I saw the brains of the idiot that caused the accident! You don’t know shit! Oh, your little degree magically has you able to understand what I’m going through?!”

“Lou-“

“You wanted me to talk! So, let me talk!” Lou screamed at the man startling you with the anger, “My cousin! My best friend, my SISTER is up in a bed in a coma! A coma because I wanted to go to a stupid resort to ski! It’s my fault! And no one will tell me anything about my aunt and uncle!”

You stumbled back at the pain Lou displayed, it broke your heart, and you couldn’t listen to it anymore.

“Lou, let’s talk about survivor’s gu-“

You fell through the closed door before you could hear anything more from the psychiatrist. You ambled around the floor aimlessly feeling the worst you ever had and to think for two weeks you hadn’t been aware of anything.

“Did you hear?” A nurse spoke from just outside your hospital room. You jogged over reading her name tag of Melissa.

“Heard what?”

“The father of the mountain accident he flatlined in surgery. Doctors got him back, but they’re concerned about brain damage.” Nurse Melissa told her fellow nurse with concern pinching her expression.

“That’s the father of the Y/L/N patient, right?” Nurse Lucy spoke glancing at your hospital door, “I hope they’ll be alright.”

“That poor girl has quite the decision to make. To live or to die. It’s all on her now.” Nurse Melissa replied, “Her mother died-“

“Little unprofessional to gossip about patients in earshot of everyone. Did you know that coma patients can often hear things while unconscious? Or my favourite tip…did you learn about HIPAA?” The doctor on duty asked, staring the two nurses down with a glared. Each nurse shifted on their feet, “Stop gossiping and do your job. I’m sure you can change bedpans or give sponge baths.”

The nurses scattered, leaving you standing in shock at the information given to you. Your mother was dead, your father could be brain dead, and Lou wasn’t coping well. Leaving you in a state of wondering what to do. Should you stay in a world without your parents or let go to join them in heaven. The thought had you collapsing into screams on the floor as everyone went about their work; walking through the hysterical teenager.

A warm hand slid into your own with a comforting squeeze, but all you wanted was to feel your father wrap you in a bear hug. To listen to your mother’s laugh, move in the air with that beautiful musical sound. You want Lou to be okay.

Luke was quiet as he sat the floor, squeezing your hand every once in a while. You slumped into his arms, staring unfeeling at the door that separated your ghostly form from your physical one. Luke poofed you to the Molina garage right on the couch where he held you tight for god knows how long.

“She’s dead.” Your voice cracked tears rolling down your cheeks once more, “My mom is dead.”

“Sh.” Luke cooed pressing his lips against your temple as you curled further into his body. His heart broke for you as the gravity of the situation became crystal clear.

“Hi.” Luke’s eyes met the concerned ones of Julie Molina, a girl that would undoubtedly know how you felt. The thing that connected you being the loss of a mother figure, “I’m Julie.”

Your blank expression lifted to see a girl you had often seen in the halls of Los Feliz High School and vaguely remembered her. She had been performing during the Spirit Rally months ago.

“I’m a friend of Luke, Reggie and Alex. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you are more than welcome to stay here. You can be in my room or here if you’re more comfortable.” Julie offered knowing exactly how you felt when a year ago, she had been grieving the loss of her mom.

“Thank you.” You replied hoarsely. Exhaustion from sobbing closed your eyes, something that was different to Luke as a ghost was your ability to sleep.

Alex theorized that you could sleep because your body was still alive, whereas the boys had no physical body. They were just ghosts. He and Reggie were in the studio sadly watching as you slipped in a deep unsettled sleep. Luke’s broken eyes met his best friends before he had Alex come over.

“Please stay with her.” Luke whispered, leaving the tall blonde to switch places. Luke disappeared without another word.

“Where’s-“Julie began, but Reggie interrupted her with a sad smile.

“Remember when we took you to Luke’s house? He’ll do the same but with her.” Reggie supplied coming to sit on the floor in front of the couch; his hand grabbing yours in support.

In a medium-sized house with a backyard kept tidy by the neighbours, Luke found his way to your room. His grabbed a few items of clothing and sneakers into a discarded bag before he dropped the bag off in Julie’s bedroom. His next stop was your hospital room. Luke settled himself in the chair beside you watching your chest go up and down from the breathing tube.

“Hi. I don’t know you in this form, but I know your spirit. I’m not good with my words, but I’m going to try. Two weeks ago I met you in a record store, and I fell in love faster than I can tune my guitar and believe me I have the record in the band. I never believed in love at first sight, but I also didn’t believe in ghosts, but here we are!” Luke chortled leaning to place his hand on yours, but it slipped through.

His smile saddened, “As much as I love holding you and kissing your head… I’d much prefer feeling that aching and yearning feel in my gut. If I felt that then it meant you would be alive and well. I’d rather be sad that I can’t feel you than have you die so young.”

Luke saw your eyelids flicker and he hoped it was because you could hear him.

“You have so much to live for. It’s gonna be hard. I can’t deny that, but I need you to stay. Stay alive and fight for me. For Lou.” Luke choked, squeezing his eyes shut grateful when a hand rested on his shoulder. He knew it was Alex.

“Whatever you’re saying. Continue.” Alex whispered, “It’s working, her body is slowly becoming transparent.”

Alex’s words were further proven as Nurse Melissa jogged in surprised as she took vitals, “Well I’ll be damned. You decided to fight.”

Alex and Luke shared a relieved expression as you got even more strong. Together they returned to the garage. Luke was able to press one kiss to your forehead before you flickered once, twice, thrice before you dissipated.

In that hospital room, a beautiful thing occurred. Your eyes opened. Luke swore the birds sang better at the moment.

Recovery was hard. Relearning the little things, you took for granted was frustrating. Lou would hover as if you would disappear and you thought you were going insane. If you were waking up screaming by nightmares of the crash than it was waking confused on dreams that felt like memories.

The small victories helped like when you walked the entire hospital or when you were able to use the toilet and not the bedpan. The best win was being discharged to Lou’s parents and only needing outpatient physical therapy. Six months later, your father was awake and getting better; the loss of your mother still burnt hot and red.

It was on the sixth month anniversary when you walked down an oddly familiar street. Merritt happily trotting on his afternoon walk; Merritt had been an immense help. In your first month of recovery post coma, you met Merritt who would become your service dog.

A sense of déjà vu nudged you as you took in a vintage styled record store you swore you knew before. Continuing on you stop again at a toy story with a dollhouse.

“My cousin had one…for her unborn niece.” The sentence floated in your mind, but you couldn’t put a conversation.

“Caspar?” A male voice recalled in a distant memory of a dream a few days ago. You couldn’t think of anyone who had that voice, and absolutely no way had you ever seen that dollhouse before.

“Just coincidence.” You mumbled scratching Merritt’s head as his wet nose nudged your head before you could worry more. You watched people roaming thankful that you could do that, that you survived.

It was the building on the very end that confused you the most. Your eyes scanned the name proudly announcing itself as a tattoo parlour. A gasp left your lips as a vivid memory popped into your head with a boy that matched that voice you had thought of earlier.

“Luke. My name is Luke. Hey! I know this shop!” Luke beamed, stepping back to take in the storefront. In the twenty-five years since he last saw it, the blue faded into a teal, but the door was still the same as it always was.

“You have a tattoo?” You asked, scanning his arms bare in the cut off shirt he wore.You couldn’t see any ink on his skin. Luke couldn’t help the smirk on his faceat the blatant heated gaze.

“No.It was 1994. We just played our biggest gig at the time, and Bobby decided we should get tattoos.” Luke’s mouth twisted at the mention of his former friend, “Of course we were sixteen and Alex just about fainted in the shop. The guy took one look at Reggie and laughed at our fake IDs. Told us to come back in a few years.”

“So, you’re a ’90s kid.” You raised an eyebrow coming to a stop on the edge of the street, pressing the button to cross.

“Technically a ’70s kid. We died in ’95 a few hours before a life-changing gig.” The mood turned sombre as Luke thought back on that one night that life decided to raise both middle fingers at his dreams, “Death by a hot dog.”

You were so thankful for Merritt as he nestled up into a dog version of a hug as you felt the crippling anxiety. He was always there and knew about to help, support dogs don’t get enough credit.

When your eyes opened, it is like a dam broke and suddenly you remembered walking this street with three guys. The conversations and even the garage where one had held you in an incredibly vulnerable moment. Three ghosts that helped you when you needed it but didn’t know.

“Luke.” You breathed seeing a form shimmer in the sun as it flickered into a hazy form. Similar to how you did in the garage before going back to your body, he flashed three times. He solidified on the fourth with a great big grin.

“You can see me.” Luke cried, walking closer as he felt on top of the world when your eyes focused on him. He finally felt that yearning to meet your gaze fade away, “I missed you.”

You followed him to the Molina garage.

“I thought we’d never be able to talk again.” Luke sighed, reaching over, and he physically grabbed your hand, “I don’t know if I can touch you because of your former state or because of Julie.”

“Hm?” You questioned sitting cross legged on the bed.

“When I wasn’t watching over you, I was with Julie and the guys.” Luke went into detail about Caleb and the jolts, “We didn’t cross over because it’s not our unfinished business, but the stamps were destroyed when Julie hugged us. We’re sure that just like our instruments are connected to our souls that Julie did as well.”

Your hand brushed Luke’s cheek taking in the silky feeling of his skin, “I thought I was going crazy. I had these dreams of things I didn’t do in reality. My mind just wasn’t ready to remember the beauty of our connection.”

“This is an interesting little relationship you and I have.” Luke chuckled, thinking on how lucky he was to even know you, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” You whispered gratefully to intertwine your fingers with Luke’s hand as well. It was like they were made for each regardless of the circumstances that brought you together, “I’m not ready for anything more than friendship, but I do strong feelings for you.”

“Being dead has an advantage. I can wait for eternity, and for you, I would. Just so you know, I have strong feelings for you as well.” Luke beamed scanning your face, taking in the blemishes from the crash. In the time you hadn’t been aware of him following coming out of the coma, he had become acquainted with your injuries.

When those little victories of weight-bearing, walking one step then two and finally that entire hallway Luke had been there unseen cheering you on. When you ‘graduated’ from the inpatient therapy Alex, Reggie and Luke had been there in silent support.

“Do what you need to do, and I’ll be right here for you.” Luke smiled gently, removing his guitar from the case, “Can I play something?”

You nodded in response as started strumming to a new song he had created in the last handful of months.

“It’s like a storm

That cuts a path

It’s breaks your will

It feels like that

You think you’re lost

But your not lost on your own

You’re not alone

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

If you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

I will hold you tight

And I won’t let go

It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it’s dark

This part of life

Oh it finds us all (finds us all)

And we’re too small

To stop the rain

Oh but when it rains

The song touched you so intimately as he sang the last few lines softly keeping eye contact with you.

“…Oh I’m gonna hold you

And I won’t let go

Won’t let you go

No I won’t”

You pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek that flushed at the feel of your lips against his skin. His heart fluttered and knew that you were his soulmate and he truly hoped Julie could find someone that could love her like she deserves. Luke’s heart belonged to yours and yours alone and vice versa for you as well.

Tag List (PLEASE SEND AN INBOX TO BE ADDED! I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE ON THE LIST VIA POST COMMENTS!)

@safehavenmuse @siennanoelle01 @whiterose291 @mell-bell @blackhood5sos @ficrecsideblog @ifilwtmfc @deadpoolgirl23 @crappy-unicorn @sunsetcurve-h @elioelioeli0 @lovesanimals @popcrone818 @lolychu @deepsleepnat @tenaciousperfectionunknown @aunicornmademedoit @just-a-writer-here @simp4reggie @merceret @faithiebrock01 @overlyhypedup @differentsoulrascalsalad @aesthetic-lyss @versaceapa @carleywhittaker @lostgirl219 @itsalexx21 @elllaoo4 @merxxleighann @mediocremunge @fantomlovesjuke4ever @dpaccione @oswin05 @kaylinfayezink @aberette13 @faithie-brock-gillespie01 @eharvey0218 @overlyhypedup @benstormy @auriandthepussicats @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @whothefuckstolemykeds @siriuswvrld @princessvader15 @xoxbloodreinaxox @heimdoodle @joshy-obx @lovesanimals @oopsiedoopsie23 @am3l1a-24 @flying-solo-without-you @jaskiers-sweetkiss @lostrandomfangirln @must-be-a-weasley-92 @jatp-holland @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @dxlanhxlland @dasexydevitt13 @ifilwtmfc @arianagrandes-things @kinda-really-lost @marinettepotterandplagg @ssprayberrythings @morgandamrose @thedarkqueenofavalon @zukoshonourr @crybabyddl @spooky-season-bitch @kcd15 @morganayennefertyrell @magnet-girl @all-in-fangirl @kinda-really-lost @tenaciousperfectionunknown @badwolf00593 @blowakissbabe @talksoprettyjjx @thesweetestsinner @kaitieskidmore1 @writerinlearning @aiofheavenandhell @sageellsworth05 @link-102

#luke patterson imagines #julie and the phantoms imagines #jatp luke #luke patterson x reader #julie and the phantoms #angst #caitsy and ash productions #agentsofsupernaturalmarvel

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axoxtxhxh · 4 years ago

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Not Without Trying - Chapter 4

Summary: Reiner and Reader continue their relationship, getting closer.

ReinerxFem!Reader NSFW

Warnings: Sex, oral sex (f receiving), orgasm denial like once

Word Count: ~ 2,800

A/N: I wrote this one really quickly so I’m sorry about how fast it is or for any mistakes :/

Most of Y/N’s time with Reiner was spent with him waiting for her to be finished with her work. He never complained and she was very sure he didn’t realize how thankful she was for that.

As a member of the survey corps, there were no weekends, no time off from work. As a captain of the survey corps, you didn’t even really have nights off. There were occasional times where work wasn’t as busy and getting to bed at a relatively decent time was a possibility, but it wasn’t often.

Since time was not something they had a lot of, most of the time Y/N and Reiner had together was during training and mealtimes. Reiner was not one of Y/N’s cadets, but there was sort of a silent agreement that allowed them to train together, if not alone, then Levi’s squad would join with her squad for training that day allowing them to work together.

“It seems like you’re going a little easy on him, Y/N,” Levi mentioned, crossing his arms in front of him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She glared at him. Reiner took the opportunity of her distraction and grabbed her from behind.

There was an increase in trainings since finding out that there were possible other titans hiding among the scouts and now they were practicing hand-to-hand combat daily to be better prepared for the mission coming up in a few days.

Reiner had a grip and was lifting Y/N up in an attempt to get the upper hand. Levi saw and knew it was a mistake.

“You need to know who your opponent is, Reiner,” he lectured, “use it to your advantage.”

Before Reiner could even say anything, Y/N had turned the situation around. She was tall, but she was one of the best at grappling. Twisting her up and getting to the ground was never beneficial if you were fighting her.

She rotated and shifted her weight, pulling Reiner down, but not entirely which caused her to drop off his shoulders and onto the ground.

Miche walked up, noticing their struggle.

“Isn’t she going a bit easy on him?” He turned to Levi.

“I can hear you both,” she complained. She quickly spun around, knocking Reiner onto his back with a thud. “I’m not going easy.”

Miche put his hands up and smiled, backing away from them and moving to go back to his team. Levi pulled him back whispering something to him before moving to Y/N.

“Why are you holding back?” Levi was whispering as he looked up to her.

“Oh my gosh! I’m not holding back!” she yelled. Miche came up behind her and grabbed her in the same way Reiner did, but this time it took her only a couple seconds to get Miche on the ground, her knee on his chest. He was laughing and Levi bent down to her.

“You were holding back.”

She took a deep breath, reaching back and grabbing Levi’s collar to swing him over Miche. He saw what she was doing and grabbed her wrist, leaning back to pull her and she fell forward in front of him. She grabbed his ankle and pulled, but Levi only stepped back.

“Don’t you think this is childish?” He asked her, looking down.

“You don’t want to spar with me?” She asked looking up. He only smirked.

“I’ll spar with you,” Miche said, sitting up.

A loud crack came from the sky and they all looked up. The rain was starting. They quickly gathered the things and ran inside.

Everyone was told to go to their rooms, shower and be ready for dinner in a couple hours. Finally, some time to relax a little. Y/N snuck around the corner of the upstairs barracks waiting for Reiner. She noticed him walking up the stairs and as he reached the top step, she moved from behind the door and grabbed him. He let out a yelp as she pulled him in the closet.

“Y/N?” The room was dark and he was squinting his eyes to see if it was her.

“How about you come down to my bathroom and we can bathe there?” She asked.

“We?” He smiled.

“Yes, we.” She pulled him down for a kiss and waited for the halls to clear before moving quickly back to her room.

She had already prepared the bath water and she was lucky enough that she had one of the biggest tubs out of the captains, much to Miche’s disappointment, so her and Reiner slid in and sat comfortably. She leaned her back against his chest as they relaxed.

“Tell me about your childhood.” She spoke, her voice echoing off the bathroom walls.

“You tell me.” Reiner brought the sponge to the back of her neck.

“My childhood was boring. I didn’t have many friends growing up because my personality was too strong for a lot of people.”

“I can definitely see that.” He laughed.

“Well thankfully I grew out of the worst of it. I had a pretty bad temper until I was in my mid-twenties.” She admitted. “Joining the scouts really helped me. It’s where I made most of my friends. Before that was just my siblings.”

“Is it hard not seeing them?”

“It’s gotten easier as time passed.”

“How long has it been since you’ve seen them?”

There it was, her throat felt like it was closing up again. She swallowed the lump.

“Reiner, my family is from Shiganshina.” She could feel him tense up behind her. “I haven’t seen them in five years after the wall fell.”

Reiner’s eyes widened, his heart rate quickly increasing. He rested his hands on her shoulders lightly.

“Y/N… I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” She turned around to look at him and his eyes were turning red, filling with hot, salty tears. “Reiner, it’s okay. I’m okay, honestly.”

She kissed him and he wiped his face and cleared his throat a little, but Y/N could see he was still a little upset.

“What about your childhood?” She asked, hoping the subject change would help in some way.

“I was a punk kid.” He laughed lightly. “I was bad at everything, but I always wished I could be the best. I just wanted to make my parents proud.”

“Well I bet they are proud now. You said you had a cousin, was she on your mom’s side or your dad’s side?

“I—uh… I actually don’t know my dad’s side.” He admitted. “It was always just me and my mom.”

“You’ve never met your dad?”

“No, I’ve met him, he just didn’t really want anything to do with me.” He shrugged, but she could see that it actually bothered him.

“It’s not a very happy story.” She frowned.

“I didn’t live a very happy life.”

“We should change that.” She smiled at him and that made him smile. “We both didn’t have the best childhood, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make our adulthood great.”

“Or we can make our children’s childhood great,” he added.

Y/N’s body tensed up at his words. Did he just talk about our children? Like children made by us?

“Our… children?” She could barely get it out. Her heart was beating quickly, part of it was out of uneasiness, seeing as how they had really only been in a relationship for two months or so, but the other part that had her heart racing was out of excitement. Reiner wanted to have kids with her.

“You don’t want kids?” He asked.

“No, I—I do… I just… I…” She was stumbling over her words, unable to get her thoughts out clearly. “I just haven’t thought about it. I mean, I’ve never really considered being a mom.”

“You should.” He smiled, his lips lowering to reach her neck. “You would be a great mom.”

“Really?” The thought did seem nice to her. She had never really thought about what would happen once they managed to get rid of all the titans and they wouldn’t need the scouts anymore. That seemed like an entirely different world.

But now at Reiner’s admission, she liked the idea of it even more.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be making plans he had no ability to keep. He was promising her something he couldn’t give her, but he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to believe he could have these things too. He wanted to have children with her, he wanted to have a future. He wanted to have more time with her, time that he didn’t have.

“After all of this is over, we could get married and move into a small cabin, have a bunch of babies.” He hugged her tightly against his body.

“A bunch? Wait a second.” He laughed at her reaction.

“We can’t only have one,” he told, “I know how lonely that can be. I’m thinking five or six.”

“How old do you think I am?” She laughed. “I don’t know that I have that many years left of having kids.”

“We could start sooner rather than later,” he said placing light kisses along the side of her neck knowing he also didn’t have that many years left.

“Let’s make it through this next mission before anyone is getting pregnant.” But Reiner continued his kissing, moving along her collarbone.

She leaned back, her head resting on his shoulder and he continued moving his lips over her.

“I would be okay with three kids,” she finally said.

Reiner thought about him, Bertoldt, and Annie and the team they have and smiled.

“Three would be nice.”

“Also, as nice as this is.” She turned her body around to face him, leaning over him to reach his lips. “I thought maybe we could do more than just kissing.”

“I would be very okay with that.” Reiner smiled and pulled her in his lap.

…..

Levi knocked on Y/N’s office door, waiting for an answer. He knocked again, a little louder, but there was still no answer. He pushed the door open a crack and peeked in, it was empty. He moved to her bedroom door and knocked, again there was no answer.

He let himself in, slowly opening the door, feeling a slight resistance when he pushed. He looked down and saw a pile of clothes laying in front of the door. What a pig, he thought before quickly realizing that the clothes blocking the doorway were men’s clothing.

He stepped further into the room and looked around. She wasn’t here. He was about to leave when he heard her speaking.

“Wait, a little—yeah, right there.”

“Right there?” Reiner responded.

“Yeah,” Y/N moaned and water sloshed around the tub before she moaned again, louder.

Levi started breathing heavily, turning bright red and feeling a strange feeling in his stomach. He quickly left her room, closing the door behind him and heading back to his office.

Y/N was straddling Reiner’s hips as she kissed him. She reached her hand in the water and stroked him a couple times. He leaned back against the bathtub with a groan, his bottom lip between his teeth.

She lined him up, hovering over him before slowly sinking down. She had to bite her lip to hold back a whine. Reiner was always a stretch, the best kind of stretch.

“That’s it,” he said holding her hips to guide her down. He sighed when her hips were flush against his, leaning up to place kisses along her jawline.

Her mind was dizzy and she closed her eyes as Reiner’s hand moved to her breast, massaging it in his hand before guiding it to his mouth. Her nipple pressed hard against his hot tongue. She couldn’t help but grind her hips, barely lifting up and pushing herself back down.

Reiner gasped, his mouth still over her breast. His breathing quickening and blowing hot air over her sensitive nipple. She groaned as he licked over it, cooling the skin.

She started moving her hips a bit more, trying to build a rhythm until she was bouncing quickly over him. She could feel how close she was and closed her eyes. Reiner noticed and moved his hand from her hip to rub his thumb lightly over her clit. She moaned, moving her hands to his shoulders for more support.

Her body started arching backwards and her bouncing more erratic until she was shaking above him. She whined as she came around his cock and Reiner had to hold back a moan as he felt her walls twitch around him.

He never could get enough of her. While she was coming down from her high, he stood up in the tub, lifting her with him and walking to the bed, leaving a trail of wet footprints behind him.

“What are you doing?” She asked, lifting her head from his shoulder as he laid her down on the bed.

“Do you really have to ask?” He smirked down to her. He pulled himself out and made his way to the edge of the bed, positioning himself between her legs. He held her thighs down, licking his lips before running his tongue full through her folds and sliding it back down, teasing her entrance.

He smiled as Y/N’s hips bucked forward. He moved his hands forward, slipping under the backside of her thighs and pulling her body against him until her thighs wrapped around his neck.

He brought one of his hands up to her stomach, lightly sliding his thumb over her clit again before pushing his tongue through her entrance. She whined, squeezing her legs around him. He pushed his tongue deeper, wanting to taste more of her. Slowly, he slid his tongue up to meet her clit, switching out his thumb and moving his hand to pump two fingers into her.

This was always the point where she was grabbing the sheets, barely able to control her moans. Reiner loved hearing it. He pumped faster into her, curling his fingers as he brushed them along her walls. He could tell she was close. Her legs were shaking around him as her hips bucked into him. She let out a long groan and Reiner knew she was there. He removed his fingers and pulled his tongue away, leaving her empty.

“You dick,” she panted and he chuckled to himself. He loved nothing more than seeing her shaking with pleasure, but knowing he knew her body better than anyone else gave him a satisfaction that had no comparison.

“I couldn’t resist.” He looked up at her as she glared down at him. Holding their eye contact, he licked another long stripe through her folds. She threw her head back again, this time grabbing his hair instead of the sheets.

He pumped his two fingers into her again, pulling them out to spread her slick, bringing the warm liquid to her clit and drawing circles around the little nub as she shook above him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He inserted the same two fingers, pumping quickly and she was crying out. Reiner could feel his erection twitching and throbbing for her.

He continued watching her and moved to cover the nub with his lips, sucking and rubbing his tongue across it. Y/N started to cry out, but was silenced by her orgasm. Her body tensed up, muscles flexing in his arms as she shook forcefully until her body collapsed back onto the bed, her hands releasing his hair and her legs dropping from his shoulders. She was panting heavily, gulping for air as Reiner licked her clean, wiping his mouth as he crawled back over her.

Reiner was slowly kissing his way up her body until he reached her neck where he stayed, moving his lips over her skin. She ran her fingers through his hair and he pulled himself up to her lips, lining himself up with her entrance.

“You ready?” He asked and she nodded. He slowly pushed himself into her, enjoying every squeeze of her walls. As soon as his hips met hers, he pulled himself back out and thrusted in quickly eliciting a whine from himself. There was no point in taking it slow, he knew it wouldn’t take long.

He ran his hand up her leg and lifted it up around his waist before he was slamming his hips against hers.

“You’re so wet,” he groaned. He dropped his head into the crook of her neck, thrusting faster into her. “You feel so good.”

The wet sounds of his thrusting mixed with her moans was about to drive him over the edge. He started grunting loudly as he felt her walls flutter around him and let himself go. His body taking over, tensing his muscles, his hips were thrusting into her slowly with controlled, deep thrusts as he lost his breath. A final thrust and he released himself into her with a deep groan.

They were both panting for air, bodies covered in a mixture of bathwater and sweat. As they both came down from their high, Y/N looked out the window and realized it was dark.

“I think we might be late for dinner.” She laughed.

Taglist: @lainessia

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lettheladylead · 4 years ago

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Not Your Aunt

Chapter 4: Fethry [ao3 link]

He’d been told from a very young age that he was a “curious child.” He wandered into places he wasn’t supposed to go, he would stare into space for prolonged periods of time, his mood could do a complete 180 in less than a second.

Now at the age of thirteen, Fethry had gone from a “curious child” to a “curious teenager.” But he liked being curious! He enjoyed learning new things and figuring stuff out and finding patterns and seeing the beautiful side of stuff that other people might consider ugly. That was just how he liked to look at the world, and he didn’t see a problem with it.

Uncle Scrooge saw a lot of problems with it. So did his cousin Donald, though cousins Della and Gladstone didn’t seem to have any issues. Duckworth didn’t ever comment, but Fethry had a feeling the butler was just being polite. He liked the politeness, but sometimes it just left him more confused.

Unlike with Donald, who stopped being polite when they were kids and just got annoyed with his cousin when he was being too nosey. In this particular moment, Donald had just yelled at Fethry to get out of his room because he was “distracting him and he needed to be in the zone to work on his music” which Fethry thought made a lot of sense. Della was currently out and Gladstone was temporarily living in Scotland while some complicated adoption things were being figured out so they hadn’t seen him in about two months.

So, although normally he wasn’t supposed to, Fethry decided to wander aimlessly around the mansion. Duckworth wasn’t nearby to stop him and Uncle Scrooge was who-knew-where! He wandered past the bedrooms and down the stairs - looking up at the hundreds of portraits and paintings of Uncle Scrooge and his accomplishments. There were some other people - Uncle Scrooge’s parents and other relatives, mostly, nobody Fethry really recognized. But all the men had long whiskers, so it seemed like they were probably McDucks.

He was staring at a particularly interesting portrait of Scrooge holding a pick-axe and a bag of gold when Fethry was startled by a noise coming from upstairs. It wasn’t coming from the direction of Donald’s room - in fact, it was coming from the other side of the mansion, where the adult’s bedrooms were. Maybe Duckworth dropped something while moving furniture?

Fethry made his way towards the source of the noise so he could help, just in case. As he climbed the last stair, there was another noise, though it wasn’t as loud, and he could tell it was definitely coming from Uncle Scrooge’s bedroom.

He waddled over and stopped in front of the door, knowing he shouldn’t go in without knocking first. Or at least figuring out what was going on. Fethry leaned the side of his head against the door, listening close for any clues.

He heard two voices - one was Uncle Scrooge and the other was unfamiliar but very pretty - and they sounded mad at each other. He couldn’t figure out exactly what they were saying since their voices were kind of muffled, but it was definitely an argument of some sort. Fethry wondered briefly if they were fighting and the noise had come from that. It felt weird to imagine Uncle Scrooge fighting a girl...besides Magica De Spell. Or Ma Beagle. Or, well, okay, maybe it wasn’t that weird.

Footsteps started getting closer to the door and Fethry backed away before he could get caught eavesdropping (his mom would be upset if she knew he was doing that again). And suddenly the door opened up, revealing a woman with shiny blonde hair and slightly graying roots who was currently buttoning the top button of her blouse.

Fethry tilted his head curiously and she yelped when she noticed him.

“Oh god, not another one of you,” the woman grumbled. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

“Well isn’t that a surprise?” Uncle Scrooge’s voice carried out of the room. “Goldie O’Gilt in a bad mood? Not wanting to be nice to children? Oh, I never could’ve imagined that!”

She turned back towards the room and grabbed the doorknob. “Screw you, Moneybags!” she shouted as the slammed the door shut.

When she turned around again, she found that Fethry hadn’t moved and was still staring up at her.

“What?”

“If your name is Goldie…” Fethry mumbled, remembering things his cousins had told him. “...does that mean you’re my Aunt Goldie?”

Goldie pinched the bridge of her beak between two fingers and sighed. “I’m not doing this again,” she said as she started to walk towards the stairs.

Fethry followed her, unable to stop his curiosity. “Did you and Uncle Scrooge get into a fight? Are you gonna get a divorce?”

“We’re not married.”

“Why not?” Fethry poked his beak with his pointer finger. “Wait, if you’re not married, then how are you my aunt?”

She sighed loudly. “I’m not your aunt.”

The kid frowned and thought about that for a moment as he watched her head down the stairs. He followed and quickly caught up. “If you’re not my aunt, then why does everyone call you Aunt Goldie?”

“Because you kids are annoying, is why,” Goldie grumbled, refusing to make eye contact with this child. She was still ashamed of herself for bonding too much with Donald and Della and then Gladstone, of all children to bond with. She was not going to make that mistake again. She would refuse to even learn this red hatted child’s name.

“I’m not a kid, I’m a teenager!” Fethry said with a big smile. “My name’s Fethry!”

Goldie wanted to smack her head into the wall, but chose to keep her cool and continue down the stairs instead. Why did Scrooge have so many stairs? If she wasn’t so desperate to get out of his room and away from him, she would’ve just scaled down the outside wall like usual. But she needed to steal something from the old miser to feel better about how much of a jerk he was.

“Fantastic. Now you can leave me alone.”

Fethry did no such thing and continued to follow her, especially as she turned towards the study instead of towards the front door. “Where are you going?”

“Just trying to find something worth taking that’ll piss your uncle off.”

He stopped following her for a moment, trying to understand what she’d just said. He didn’t understand how adult relationships worked, that was certain, but they seemed very different from his parents. His parents barely ever fought and also they lived together and were married, so there were a lot of immediate differences. Fethry realized suddenly that Goldie had wandered into another room and quickly followed her before she could get away.

She was looking through the china cabinet when he found her again, and made no acknowledgement that she’d noticed him coming up behind her. She grabbed a particularly expensive-looking set of glasses and stared at them in her hands.

“Are you gonna steal those?” Fethry asked suddenly and a little too loudly.

Goldie, not having noticed the kid since she was so focused on the glassware, let out a loud QUACK! and dropped the glasses. She reached out to grab them as they fell, but only managed to save one as the other smashed onto the floor and they both flinched at the loud crash and shards of glass spreading out everywhere.

She turned around and glared at Fethry, angry at him for sneaking up on her and angrier at herself for not noticing him. She thought she’d lost him and let her guard down and this is exactly the kind of thing that happened when she spent too much time around children.

“Do you need something?” Goldie seethed, picking Fethry up by his armpits and plopping him on top of the closest table.

“Nope!” Fethry said with another smile. “Sorry you dropped that glass. Is Uncle Scrooge gonna be mad at you?”

His innocence was annoying her in ways she couldn’t begin to describe. “He’ll get over it. Now look. Hey.” She snapped her fingers in front of Fethry’s face, noticing that he was staring down at the pieces of glass instead of listening to her. “Listen up. I’m going to leave now and you’re not going to follow. There’s glass all over the floor and it’ll cut up your feet if you try to follow me. Got it?”

He tilted his head again. “But what about your feet?”

Goldie lifted up one of her legs and pointed down at her sneakers. “I’ll be fine.” She started to walk away, deciding that breaking one glass and stealing another would be good enough for the moment, when Duckworth stepped into the room holding a broom and dustpan.

“Duckworth.”

“Miss O’Gilt. You don’t normally break things...did something happen?”

She pointed her thumb over her shoulder. “He startled me, not my fault.”

Duckworth responded with a raised eyebrow and Goldie pouted before turning around to see that Fethry was not on the table where she left him. She paused for a moment before looking down and she should not have been surprised to find the kid standing next to her and staring up with the same curious eyes as before.

She yelped in surprise at seeing him so close, and once again felt stupid about it. “What did I just say to you?!”

Fethry shrugged. “Yeah, but...Duckworth is here to clean up the glass, so it’s fine now!”

Duckworth shook his head and started sweeping up the glass while Goldie frowned. “Okay no, see, he hadn’t done that yet, so it’s not fine. And also, um…” She paused and looked around the room for a moment. “Oh, what’s that over there?” she asked, feigning excitement and pointing towards the back door.

Fethry turned and looked, excitement plastered all over his face. “What is it?!” he asked and took a step forward. Seeing nothing different than usual, he turned back around to ask Aunt Goldie what she’d seen, only to find that she was gone. “Huh...where’d she go?”

Duckworth finished sweeping up the glass and dumped it into the nearest trash can. “I believe she’s gone.”

“Oh. But...where?” Fethry asked as he walked towards the foyer.

The butler followed, glancing at the walls to see if Goldie had stolen anything else. “Miss O’Gilt tends to be unpredictable. It’s hard to say where she goes when she leaves the mansion.”

“Aww,” Fethry pouted, kicking at the carpet. “I like her! She was real nice!”

“...is that so?”

“Yeah!” Fethry did a little spin and fell onto his butt. “She’s nothing like my other aunts, though.”

Duckworth smirked at that comment and considered correcting the child, but before he could even think about it, Scrooge shuffled down the stairs and took over.

“That’s because she’s not your aunt!” he shouted angrily, adjusting his coat and hat as he walked. “She’s a no-good thief who just likes to interrupt my life and steal from me and piss me off and mess with you kids! You shouldn’t listen to anything she says, especially not if it’s about me or our history! All she does is lie, lie, lie!”

Fethry looked a little sad and confused at Scrooge’s rant, so Duckworth, seeing that there was unnecessary conflict about to be had, interrupted. “Either way, she’s gone now, Mr. McDuck. And you have a meeting with the board in about twenty minutes.”

“Yeah, alright,” Scrooge grumbled. “Let’s just go.”

Fethry watched them walk towards the garage and frowned more. The way Uncle Scrooge talked about Aunt Goldie was weird and kind of sad. She hadn’t said anything like that about him, though Fethry wondered if she would’ve had he asked.

A noise from outside caught Fethry’s attention and he turned towards the windows by the front door. He spotted a bit of blonde hair and smiled at the realization that Aunt Goldie was still nearby. Then he frowned as he realized that meant she’d heard all the mean things Uncle Scrooge said about her. Maybe it didn’t bother her so much. But maybe it did and she just didn’t say anything. Fethry thought she was kind of mysterious and interesting.

He watched her rush away from the house and wondered if he’d ever see her again. He leaned back on his heels for a moment before deciding to go back to Donald’s room and ask him about everything he’d just watched. Donald would probably be able to explain.

#ducktales #fethry duck #goldie o'gilt #scrooge mcduck #duckworth #donald duck #fic #fics #not your aunt

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fiddlepickdouglas · 4 years ago

Text

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 14 - Unexpected Meeting

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, who will they run into?, 3.2k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, emotional trauma

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

“Man, I need a break,” Reggie was saying as he strolled with Alex down an unfamiliar street in the early evening, stretching his arms. “I mean, being in the studio all the time has been good, but on top of everything else it’s just so much!”

Unsure where they were headed, Alex walked a few paces ahead on the sidewalk, casually navigating for both of them. He squinted as he looked at Reggie.

“Reggie, you dropped, like, all of your classes once we signed on.”

“Nope!” his friend exclaimed, tilting his head in a proud manner. “I just needed two electives to graduate. It’s okay, though, man. Not everyone finishes their math requirements as a freshman.” Reggie patted Alex’s shoulder, as if it were any sort of consolation.

“No, good for you Reg,” Alex said. His parents had paid for all this private tutoring and even gotten him to take some college credits early. Of course, his only serious plan after high school had been the band so it was all wasted effort, but then all of their attempts with him amounted to that. He was learning to feel less guilty over it. It wasn’t his fault they never cared about what he wanted.

“How long do you think Luke and Bobby are gonna be workshopping their parts together?” Reggie asked.

“Long enough. Where are we going, exactly?”

“Oh, I was just kind of keeping an eye out for anywhere interesting.”

Alex blinked. “I thought we were headed somewhere specific.”

“I’ve only been to this side of L.A. like, once, so I don’t think I’d make a good tour guide,” Reggie stated.

And just like that, Alex’s mind thrust itself back into remembering Willie. He was getting better at not crumbling completely in the moment, but it still felt like his heart was temporarily dunked into a dark ocean of misery. It would remain waterlogged and heavy inside his chest for a while.

“Alex?” Reggie was saying, looking at him with concern. “You okay?”

Snapping his thoughts back to the present, Alex sighed as he looked back at Reggie.

“I’ll be fine.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket and pressed his arms against his sides. Shoulders hunched, he continued through the crowd. Focusing on walking would hopefully help it wear off. He made every step purposeful, trying to get the weight in his heart to fall through his feet. Reggie’s hand on his shoulder made him turn.

“It’s still rough, isn’t it?” he asked gently. “If I said something - ”

“It’s not your fault,” Alex tried to assure him. “Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere. Besides, I can’t make you and everyone else walk on eggshells.”

“Maybe not, but we’re in this with you. It may have been different for us, but we all met Willie. I’d never seen you warm up to anyone that fast. Even after a few months, it’s still fresh; don’t force yourself to be better for us.”

Pausing on the sidewalk, Alex looked up at Reggie. He tried to smile as gratitude edged its way in, relieving most of the heaviness in his chest.

“I appreciate that, Reg.”

“Of course, man.”

“So,” Alex took a deep breath to let everything else wash away as they kept wandering. “You made it sound like you had a lot going on. Is everything at home okay?”

Reggie shrugged. “Eh...no change there. My mom went to stay with her sister after the last fight, so my dad’s been trying his best to take care of everything, but he’s too upset to handle it well. My little sister has just been sleeping over with friends anyway, and I can handle myself, so - ” he shrugged again, “ - you know, I do what I can.”

Alex nodded. He had nothing really to comment, and Reggie knew he was always there to support him. This wasn’t anything unusual for him, but it still wasn’t right. Neither of them spent much time at their own homes, so wandering through the city like this kept them occupied when they weren’t with the rest of the band. Looking up at the store signs around them, he saw a record store about a block ahead.

“Hey, why don’t we check that out?” he suggested.

“Yeah!” Reggie said, dropping any ounce of gloom from the previous subject and skipping along to catch up with Alex.

A small bell rang as they came through the door, and they immediately began filtering through shelves of records and CDs. Peeking toward the back of the store, Alex could see a counter that offered a menu of food and drinks, some tables, as well as the smallest stage in the world. This seemed like a neat little place.

“Oh,” Reggie started after a while. “I got us a gig playing at my cousin’s wedding.”

“A wedding?” Alex said skeptically, turning from the Pansy Division vinyl he was checking out. “When we’re trying to finish a record and go on tour?”

“It’s Conrad, okay, he’s family! And he said we could make the setlist.”

Alex shrugged, considering that was fair.

“...with his approval.”

At that addition, Alex could only sigh and shake his head.

“And then maybe, you could, I don’t know, finally ask Bobby to be your date?”

Reggie put down the Mötley Crüe album he’d been examining and looked up at him in shock. Alex realized he’d possibly been too blunt. But immediately Reggie began to cover it up, laughing and shaking his head.

“What?” he said, his denial completely transparent. “Was that a...was that supposed to be a joke or something?”

Giving him a look of pity, Alex put his hands on his hips.

“You’re really gonna try to pull the wool over the eyes of your gay friend?”

Caught, Reggie looked back at him in defeat and bowed his head.

“I’m gonna guess you noticed a while ago?”

Nodding, Alex tried to soften his demeanor.

“There’s been something up with you two for months. How come you haven’t tried to talk to him about it?”

Reggie knit his brow and began fiddling with his fingers.

“Well, I’m a little confused by it, to be honest. Cuz, I mean...I like girls, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“But I like Bobby, too.”

“Okay.”

His friend looked up at him, expecting more of a reaction. Alex leaned against the shelf and folded his arms.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with you? Because you’re talking to the king of wrong feelings.”

“Well, sometimes I feel like that, but not really. It’s something else,” Reggie said.

“Like what?”

“Well...we’ve been friends for years. It just sort of crept up on me and I don’t know what to do. What if he rejects it? He’s one of my best friends.”

Thinking for a moment, Alex looked down at his feet. He didn’t blame Reggie for being worried. He’d had a mini crush on Bobby for a couple weeks back in ninth grade and had the same dilemma. It was easier for him to get over, though, simply because it had faded quickly.

“Well, I wish I could say if it’s meant to be it’ll happen, but sometimes…”

Sometimes it dies in a fire before there’s any chance of knowing.

He shook his head to get rid of the awful thought and ignored Reggie’s look of concern.

“But if I know Bobby, I don’t think it’s going to harm anything. I think you should go for it, Reg. I truly, honestly, will back you up on that.”

A smile spread wide across Reggie’s face.

“Thanks, man!”

Without fretting over it for another second, he turned back to the shelf of CDs he’d been perusing, and Alex did the same. There was a crazy good selection, and Alex wished he could get his hands on a record player. Playing CDs on a boombox worked for some things, but there was a level of charm in playing something on a vinyl record that appealed to him even more. He made a note to get a small notebook to carry in his fanny pack, hoping to return to this store and make a wishlist of sorts to work toward.

“Do I see Alex and Reggie of Sunset Curve?” A familiar voice said from behind.

Both of them turned to find Flynn standing in the aisle, braids tied up into a high ponytail and eyebrow arched in her usual smart fashion.

“Hey Flynn!” Reggie exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. Alex went in for one afterward, happily surprised.

“Hey guys!” she said, grinning.

“What are you up to?” Alex asked.

“Gonna be performing in a bit,” she said excitedly. “Just a warm up before the main group comes on. I’ve been working on some of my own stuff; I think you guys would love it! Got time to stick around?”

“Sweet!” Reggie raised a fist for her to bump. “I’m down. Alex, wanna stay?”

“Yeah, sounds great!”

He had yet to see what Flynn was capable of. If he were to judge only on knowing she’d been in a duo with Julie, he expected it to be good.

“Also, you should try the burritos here,” Flynn told them. “They are to die for!”

The endless click-rollll-click-click-click of his board filled his ears as Willie moved through the street, feeling the wind pass over him in the way that made freedom feel like he could clutch it in his hands. He’d actually spent today not worrying about Alex. It felt good not to dwell on what little past he had access to. Of course, he still had repetitive dreams about the few memories that had come back, but the backwards one with Caleb in it hadn’t come back ever since he’d gotten to LA. Moving forward felt...nice.

He had spent the morning sketching at the beach, getting all sorts of practice in. The beautiful waves, seagulls, the different activities all around him. Somehow a group of young college kids had gotten him to join their volleyball tournament. Willie wasn’t sure if he’d ever played it before, but once he caught onto the game, he’d gotten surprisingly good. It felt nice to roll up the hem of his jeans and dig his toes into the warm sand while playing with a group of strangers. They’d nicknamed him Mowgli, whatever that meant. He liked the sound of it though.

Heading off to work after cleaning himself up, he realized he could spend all his free time that way. Peacefully sketching, meeting fun people, and enjoying his surroundings. Was that all it took to be happy? Willie chuckled at the thought of how much Caleb had stressed over rising to the top of his business game, never appearing to be satisfied with any of it. Leaving Vegas remained the best decision he’d ever made. Of course, he wasn’t always proud about his method of burning down the shed, but it had been one of those...heat of the moment things.

Willie skated up to the back entrance and shook his hair out after lifting off his helmet. Just a few short hours of making food, some chill entertainment, and he could peace out for the night. He headed inside the store and right into the small kitchen. Thankfully, the store didn’t fit too many patrons and it was never hard to keep up with orders, and Kyle had a system so he never had to leave the kitchen. This basically meant he could jam to the live music during the lulls between orders with no interruption.

Kyle entered the kitchen just as Willie was tying on his apron.

“Hey, dude, thanks for coming. We actually got two acts coming in, so it should be a full crowd. Katelyn can be the MC for the first bit, but do you mind taking over for the second half?”

A twinge of excitement came over Willie and he lit up. He’d never gotten to try being an MC before.

“Don’t mind at all!” he said.

“Alright, man!” Kyle exclaimed. “First two orders up: swamp style nachos and a bog burrito.”

“Got it.”

“We’re up for a big night with these performances,” the girl hosting hyped up the crowd. “Let’s give it up for our artist of the night: Flynn Taylor!”

Reggie cupped his hands over his mouth as he hollered along with everyone else’s applause. Alex clapped with a mouthful of nachos. Flynn stepped onto the stage behind a set of deejay turntables, smirking as she began flipping switches and turning knobs.

“Thanks for coming out here everyone,” she said into the mic. More applause and whistles echoed through the room. “We’re gonna make a lot of noise tonight, so let me hear you get pumped!”

As she began playing a beat, Alex bobbed along, immediately interested. He didn’t know a thing about mixing, so he was highly impressed with the different sounds she was using. Then Flynn picked up the mic and began rapping and the whole room cheered.

“...I’m a princess, I don’t need a prince, boy I’m priceless...I’m here to shut it down like a night shift…”

“Man,” Reggie leaned over to Alex. “She’s so good! I say we book her to open for us ASAP as possible.”

Alex merely snorted and chuckled at Reggie’s misuse of the acronym. He actually enjoyed the idea of having Flynn rapping to open for their rock shows. Gigs where all the bands sounded the same got a little flavorless sometimes.

“Also,” Reggie said as he took a huge bite into his burrito. “This is the best burrito I’ve ever had.”

“Lemme try some, you can try my nachos,” Alex said.

All Reggie could say was Mm! as he passed the burrito over.

The final beats of the first performer echoed in the kitchen where Willie had been dancing, waving various kitchen tools around. He’d thoroughly enjoyed the whole set, and wondered what sounded so familiar about the girl who was rapping. Before he could spend more time thinking about it, Kyle came in.

“Okay, you ready?” he asked.

“I just keep people busy and then announce the next group, right?” Willie guessed.

“Yeah, man, you’ve got this!”

“What’s the next group called?”

“Downslide. And they brought some merch, so it’s a good idea to mention that to the crowd as well.”

“Okay,” Willie nodded, slipping out of his apron. “Maybe I could put their t-shirt on or something, you know, sell the look?”

Kyle looked impressed. “Yeah! I’ll go see what they’ve got.”

He left the kitchen and hardly a minute later returned with a jacket.

“They said you could wear it for the night. Not gonna lie, I wish I could wear this, it’s a sweet jacket.”

Willie slipped it on, and turned around. He didn’t often wear jackets, but whatever it was made of was pretty soft.

“Guess I’m ready,” he said, giving Kyle a hand slide and fist bump before leaving the kitchen. He stepped up behind the microphone and looked out at the crowd, and further back, the empty store.

At that moment, he heard the bell of the store door ring and two guys walked outside. Through the window, a familiar leather jacket passed. Then, he saw a head of blonde hair follow, turning to look both ways to cross the street, and his heart grew to fill all the empty space in his chest. It was unmistakable. It had to be.

“Alex...” he breathed quietly into the microphone. Adrenaline immediately went out to his extremities. The crowd before him looked bewildered as they waited for him to announce the next group.

Glancing offstage, he saw Kyle give him a strange look. Willie shook his head, unclear what message he was sending but ultimately knowing he couldn’t stay at his current spot. Before he could think anything else, his legs were bounding out the door. It felt like every ounce of blood in his veins knew. The search was over.

Reggie and Alex had just reached the opposite corner. He wasn’t going to miss his chance.

“Alex!” he cried, running to meet them.

He immediately thrust his arms around a surprised Alex, gripping him tightly, burying his face into his shoulder.

“Oh my god, Alex!” he said, panting. “It’s so good to see you.”

He didn’t feel the hug didn’t reciprocate, and instead Alex grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. The darkness of the street seemed to envelop him.

“What are you - ?” Alex started, staring back at Willie like he’d just been assaulted. Then shock wiped over his whole face. Then confusion. And then a pain came over all of it that made Willie’s concern grow.

“What - what is it?” he asked, all the excitement gone.

Alex wouldn’t look him in the eye, and he raised a hand to hold the side of his head.

“No, this isn’t real,” he whispered to himself, shrinking backward and shutting his eyes. “This can’t be real.”

Willie glanced over at Reggie, who also stared like he was seeing the impossible. He could see Alex shaking and heard a rattled breath, and felt tension grow thick in the air. Quickly, he went to take Alex’s face in his hands.

“Alex, hey, look, it’s me,” he soothed. He fought to get a look directly into his eyes. “It’s me, Willie.”

Finally, the green ocean gazed back at him, turbulent and restless. What once had been a grounding rhythm of waves had turned into a maelstrom of despair. Even worse were the tears welling up right before him. Willie watched the storm rage for a few seconds, seeking for a moment of calm.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured, lowering his hands. Alex looked so wounded it frightened him.

“How are you alive?” Alex begged to know.

Blinking, Willie sat back, astounded at those words. While he agreed it was a miracle he was still alive, he couldn’t fathom why Alex would ask such a question. He chuckled merely out of discomfort.

“I’m here.” Willie glanced at Reggie, looking for an explanation. “Flesh and bone. Why? What happened?”

Alex looked at him incredulously, jaw hanging open. He looked so tightly wound and so scattered all at once.

“Caleb told me you were dead.”

Willie blanched inwardly at the mention of Caleb, but even more so at the rest of that sentence he’d been utterly unprepared to hear.

“He...he - ” he stammered for a moment. “When would you have even talked to him?”

Sharing a look with Reggie, Alex took a deep breath. Then he looked back at Willie hesitantly.

“We see him all the time. We work for him now.”

It was Willie’s turn to drop his jaw.

“We’ve been signed to his record label for a few months now,” Reggie pitched in.

Directing his gaze to the ground, Willie puzzled for a minute.

“Why would I be dead?” he asked, looking back up at Alex.

For a minute Alex simply gazed at him wordlessly.

“I don’t know,” he said. There was a pause as both of them finally looked at each other, fully aware that this was real. And then Alex threw his arms around Willie to return the hug. Willie had to raise himself up on his toes to avoid falling over, and he tightened his grip to remain steady. He felt joy spread through his whole torso and breathed a sigh of relief as hands tangled into his hair. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m so happy to see you.”

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #fanfic #jatp fanfic #willex #alive au #sunset curve #alex mercer #willie #luke patterson #reggie peters #bobby wilson #julie molina #flynn taylor #caleb covington #viva las vegas #unexpected meeting #fiddlepickdouglas

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nhlandotherimagines · 4 years ago

Note

Matthew Tkachuk always seems to be around when you injure yourself, fall over or break something. He never lets you forget it either. So the endless chirping leads you to have a meltdown because you think he finds any reason to pick on you and it makes you feel like a child (who he would never be interested in). The dumbass with his stupid smirk would just be like, "oh so you want me to be interested in you?"

This took me WAAAAAY too long and I apologize! I hope you enjoy this one, it is certainly not the greatest, but it is something! I would love to hear everyone’s feedback on it thanks! Thanks @bigboigritty for the request

The Tease - Matthew Tkachuk x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, and some angst

Notes: (Y/l/n): your last name Also this isn’t very long I am sorry!

You weren’t exactly what one would describe as graceful. In fact, you were down right clumsy. It’s as if your body did everything in it’s power to work against your mind, forever making you look like a fool.

It probably wouldn’t bother you so much if your best friend, Calgary Flames defenseman Noah Hanifan, and his teammates weren’t around every time you managed to make a fool of yourself.

Today had been a good day so far, but as you made your way up the stairs to Noah’s apartment your luck caught up with you. Missing a step, you stumble forward catching yourself before you smash your face into the stairs.

Sure your face was saved. Your white shirt and iced coffee however? Not so much.

“Oh for f-“

“Easy there (y/l/n)! That’s why we save the coffee for the adults.”

Rolling your eyes, you glare at the man coming up the steps behind you.

“And I suppose you’re supposed to be one of those adults?”

Matthew Tkachuk sure knew how to get under your skin. Every chance he got to make you feel small he took. He never failed to comment about your clumsiness, and your child-like behaviours. The worst was the more upset you got about his teasing the easier it was for him to tease you.

Matthew chuckled lightly as he placed his right hand on your arm and his left on the small of your back, helping you to your feet. You can’t help the blush that creeps onto your face from the feeling of his hands against you.

See the thing is, ever since you first laid eyes on Matthew you knew you were screwed. I guess you just had a thing for intimidating hockey men with beautiful blue eyes and curly hair. It was very clear though, that he didn’t look at you like that at all. To him you were like that annoying little cousin your mom would make you hangout with at family gatherings. His teasing was relentless.

“Ugh my shirt!” You wine rubbing at your new white shirt now stained with coffee.

“It’s just a shirt, don’t be a baby about it.”

You scoff at Matthew, pulling away from him and finishing your ascent to Noah’s apartment. As you push through the door the party has already started.

“Noah please tell me you have a shirt I can borrow!” You whine. Foregoing any formal greetings when you find your friend leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Nice to see you too,” Noah chuckles taking in your appearance. He throws his hands up in surrender at the look you shoot him. “Go take your pick!” He smiles motioning to his bedroom with the beer bottle in his hand.

You mumble a quick thank you, and run into his room closing the door behind you.

After pulling your shirt from your body with a pout you begin searching Noah’s dresser for a shirt that wouldn’t look completely ridiculous on you.

You’re so focused on finding the perfect shirt, you don’t here the door open.

“Jesus kid put some clothes on!”

You jump back clutching a random shirt over your chest.

“Matthew what the hell!?”

“Easy there tiger! Just came to see if you were alright.”

“You’re not my babysitter Matthew, so if you could just leave me the hell alone that’d be great” you spat, turning away from him and pulling a shirt on over your head. Trying to steady your breath, cheeks bright from embarrassment, you turn back towards him and start moving towards the door.

As you try to storm past him without making eye contact, you fail to notice the shirt you dropped on the floor when Matt startled you. You fly forward rolling your ankle, but instead of hitting the floor Matthew steps forward and you fall into his chest.

His hands find your waist to steady you. If it weren’t for the throbbing of your ankle, you might have been embarrassed about falling into Matthew. You may have even been able to appreciate his hands on you, but all you manage to do is hold back the whimper.

“See I think you need a babysitter.” Matthew chuckles, a cocky grin on his face. You immediately push away from him, wincing as you are forced to put some weight on your ankle.

“Fuck off Matthew! I’m sick of you treating me like a child! We are practically the same age! I’m just so done with you being an asshole to me all the time! I get it okay? So you’re not into me, because I’m not as cool and put together as all the other girls you have falling all over you. Oh well, I’ll get over it. But you need to stop treating me like I’m lesser than you and all of your pretty little super model friends okay? I’m clumsy! Get over it! You making fun of me doesn’t fucking help, so just leave me alone!”

Matt’s surprised by your outburst, but the more you ramble on the bigger his grin becomes. He raises his eyebrows at you, as if to ask if you’re done with your little temper tantrum. The cockiness he holds in that moment makes your blood boil even more.

“Oh- so you want me to be interested in you?” His question makes your stomach flip, realizing exactly what you had implied. Matthew’s face shows only amusement, but you can’t help the embarrassment that covers your own.

“I- I never said t-that” you stutter out trying to find something, anything, to say to dig yourself out of this hole.

“Hmm, no actually I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you said.” Matthew chirps taking a step closer. You step back again, heart feeling as though it’s about to burst out of your chest. Stumbling slightly as pain shoots through your ankle, a whimper escapes your lips.

Matt’s hands find your hips again, and when you look up you see the amusement is gone from his face. Replaced now by worry. “Are you okay?”

“N-no my ankle. God Matty it hurts!” You hate how desperate your voice sounds, but you can’t help it you’re in pain.

He guides you to sit on the bed, motioning for you to let him take a look at your ankle. As he inspects it, you chew on your bottom lip and watch in amazement at Matthew’s gentle side. His fingers leaving feather light touches over your ankle, as his brows furrow in concentration.

“Looks like a sprain to me. (Y/n), I’m sorry.” His eyes lock with yours and your breath catches in your throat.

“I-it’s not your fault.” You choke out quietly, as he moves himself to sit gently next to you.

“You’re wrong you know?”

“No I’m not! Matt it’s not like you tripped me!” You couldn’t believe he was trying take the blame here, when obviously it was you who was just clumsy.

“No, not about that. You’re wrong about why I tease you so much.” He pauses taking a deep breath, and combing his fingers through his curls. You watch him closely, trying not to get to distracted by the flex of his biceps as he does so. “I tease you because I am into you!”

He’s staring at his hands as the fidget in his lap, and you’re at a loss for words.

“Matt- I-“ you try to respond, but this moment feels strange. Like any second he will tell you it’s some sick joke, and call you a child.

Instead he lifts his eyes to meet yours. He looks scared, as he tries to read your emotions. But truth be told, you had no idea what to feel. Your head was spinning, your heart screaming, and your hands shaking. You open your mouth to speak again, and nothing comes out. Why were you so awkward!?

His eyes fall to your lips, and your body reacts all on its own. Despite your brain screaming at you to run. Unlike the other times your body works against your brain, this time it’s in a good way. Your eyes fall closed and you lean into him.

As Matthew’s lips connected to yours, you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Feeling him smile against you, you deepen the kiss just a little. Everything felt perfect for a moment. You weren’t just some girl Matthew liked to pick on. Right now, I’m this moment, you were his. And it felt so right.

“Wow. Why did I take so long to do that?” Matthew breathes out, as he pulls away.

“You were too busy being an asshole?” You suggest, chuckling softly.

“Hey now! I just wanted you to notice me!” He laughed at how ridiculous it sounded saying it aloud.

“Oh, so you want me to be interested in you?” You say with a wink. Matthew throws his head back and laughs at your comment. Who knew this asshole was really such a sweetheart?

#nhl fanfiction #nhl writing #nhl #hockey #Matthew Tkachuk #calgary flames #noah hanifin #hockey fanfiction #hockey imagines #nhl imagine

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ayellowcurtain · 4 years ago

Text

Robbe is a bit tense at a dinner with Sanders family as one of his cousins made a joke about how he liked Britt for something she did, making Robbe uncomfortable, and he is upset for the next few days as a few days later, Sander have trouble with the police because he broke into a place with some of his friends, and noor was there with Britt too, making it seems like he was hanging out with her too... so robbe is even more mad as sander got himself in trouble but with britt too!!

I don’t know how to warn this, but Robbe will talk a little bit about that night at the bar and maybe he’s having the start of a panic attack during the second half

Robbe tries to eat his dessert and ignore the conversation still happening around him with a smile on his face. Sander puts his hand on Robbe’s thigh under the table, but he doesn’t look back at his boyfriend, trying to survive this dinner, being present with Sander’s family.

He helps Sander’s mom and his aunt to take everything to the kitchen afterward and Sander follows him like a shadow, also helping with the dishes just to be around Robbe, trying to find a private moment between them where they can talk.

Robbe leans against the counter, watching the two older women put everything inside the dishwasher while drinking their fancy wine. Everyone else is in the living room, but he doesn’t want to risk hearing any more comments about how Britt and Sander got along.

He saw how good they were together for a whole week so he really doesn’t feel like reliving those days at the beach house. It’s even worse if the things he saw those days were actually real between Sander and Britt. He feels bad enough for “stealing” her boyfriend.

Sander is right next to him, his hand on top of Robbe’s on the counter behind them like they’re some secret lovers, holding hands when they shouldn’t.

“Robbe...” Sander whispers against his shoulder, kissing after.

“Huh?” He looks at Sander, so close their noses bump into each other.

“Don’t listen to them, they’re just...stuck in the past.”

Robbe nods his head, not really feeling like talking about it. Sander lays his head on his shoulder and Robbe tries to pretend he’s listening to the two women talking about how good dinner was. He forces himself not to look down at Sander on his shoulder because he knows he’s staring, probably pouting and with his puppy eyes, hoping Robbe will forget about the memories that were talked about during dinner.

How Sander and Britt had fun together during that Christmas party, how they danced together all night long, even with no music, how they chased each other upstairs and never came back.

Robbe tries not to overreact, but he’s already doing it, bitting his short nails, walking around his bedroom, feeling how his clothes are bothering his skin, feeling raw and dry and itchy.

He tries stop bitting his nails, taking his socks off and throwing them anywhere on the ground, trying to focus on the squeaky noise the wood floor makes under his feet instead of the flashes that run through his mind, so real he can almost feel the punches and kicks from over a year ago.

His phone is on his bed and Robbe thinks about calling Sander even thought he’s a little bit hurt. Sander is usually good at listening to him when he’s spiraling like this. But he won’t pick up right now. He said he was coming home, that the police showed up at the bar.

Robbe wishes he wasn’t as fucked up as he is. Thinking about that bar, the police, any and everything triggers him.

He turns his video game on and continues his walk around his bedroom while it turns on, grabbing his phone and texting Jens and Aaron, seeing if they can play right now. Robbe texts Jens a few extra messages to make sure he gets his point across. How busy could Jens be right now to not answer?

It feels like a eternity, but half an hour later Robbe is finally focused enough on his game and not being killed to forget about all the rest. Jens’ complains on his left headphone and Aaron’s complete lack of understanding on their strategy on the right makes Robbe only realizes Sander when he’s already inside the bedroom, slowly closing the door, Robbe pushes his headphones back, able to hear Sander saying good night to his mom.

He leans against the door with the puppy eyes and Robbe looks at the tv, he’s already being killed, the boys are screaming against his neck now.

“Sorry, I have to go.” he turns everything off, putting the control and his headphones under his tv.

Sander finally moves, still like a puppy that ruined the entire garden and now it’s feeling sorry about it.

“You went to our bar...” Robbe decides to rip the band aid off already, sitting back on his chair, way too close to his tv, but he doesn’t know where to go.

“I thought it wasn’t our bar...” Sander teases.

“Really?”

Sander looks down, sitting on Robbe’s bed, as close as he can to Robbe,“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have said that. I was at school and Noor showed up, we went out and Britt was there. The police showed up because of some fight, but we weren’t involved, I didn’t even see what happened...”

Robbe nods his head, hating how Britt is just that nail that keeps on scratching every bad situation Robbe has ever had.

“It is our bar, Robbe. Whenever you feel like it.” Robbe thinks about telling Sander how his words need to meet his actions, but he doesn’t because he knows it wouldn’t be fair.

“We never really talked about your relationship with her...” So he decides to go the easier route. The ex that seems to alway be around.

Sander frowns, relaxing his posture a little bit, “Because there’s nothing to talk about, it’s over.”

“How much did you like her?”

“What?”

Robbe wets his lips, hating how he’s already stuttering inside his brain while trying to think on how to explain this, “I just saw when things were going bad...I was just curious about how much you liked her before.”

Sander pulls the chair closer, in between his legs.

“Robbe, why talk about this now? Talk to me...”

“Because you went out with them instead of me.”

He bites the inside of his cheek, hating himself for saying that and for being that person. He jumps off his chair, not sure where he’s going next. Sander watches his every step and Robbe leans against his closed window, the night pretty quiet outside, as a reminder of how late it is.

“Sorry. You can go anywhere you want, we’re not glued together.” He says right away, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I wish we were. I didn’t know you would want to go or I would have invited you. I know you are not completely comfortable there so I didn’t ask. I’m sorry.”

Sander moves to sit more comfortably on Robbe’s bed, putting his back against the headboard, still looking at him, never looking anywhere else, and most of the time, like right now, it makes Robbe feel exposed, but not in a completely bad way. He knows he can be himself completely, always and Sander won’t judge.

“I’m trying to be okay to go there again. I wish you would have waited, that’s it. You kept saying it was our place, that we would do it together. And then we didn’t.” Robbe keeps biting the same place inside his cheek, trying not to tap his foot, “Have you been there? Before tonight...”

“No. Like I said, it wasn't planned. Noor said she know a cool place and I went with her. When I told her, she said we could leave right away, but...I was there already and...decided to get it over it with.”

Sander gets up and carefully leans against the window too, his hand resting on Robbe’s knee and only then Robbe notices he was tapping his foot.

“Robbe, please, tell me...”

“It was just a good night. it was supposed to be a good night and I was nervous and then everything happened.”

Sander carefully holds his hand, quietly making Robbe opens his hand, pressing his palm against Sander’s.

“I was nervous too. I kept thinking I was running out of time, we were both falling too deeply and I would have to tell you at some point.”

Robbe shakes his head, closing his eyes hard, trying to push his tears back.

“I’m sorry. I tried to protect you.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t mine.”

“I know, it’s just...sometimes I think about it.”

“You shouldn’t.” Robbe puts his chin against Sander’s shoulder, looking at him, smelling like beer and cigars, “I guess talking about Britt is easier.”

Sander snorts, lifting their hands up, kissing the back of Robbe’s.

“You should understand, if I can pick the people that I’m hanging out with, you’ll always be my first pick.”

Sander kisses his forehead and Robbe closes his eyes for a second, able to put the memories from that night back inside a box on the corner of his brain, unreachable.

“I wanna go out with you tomorrow. Can we do that? You can pick the place.”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #robbe x sander #sobbe

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sunnyie-eve · 3 years ago

Text

Four | Here For You

Series: Complicated | The Amazing Spider Man

Word count: 1496

[ Fluff, Death ]

While I was at home doing homework, there was a knock at my door. "Gwen?" I open the door.

"Did you finally tell him because you two were close in the hallway after school." She claps her hands.

"Creepy much?" I laugh. "But no. Gwen he likes you so..." I let her know.

"Everyone likes me." She says then realizes what she said. "I'm not that full of myself. Wow, I can't believe I said that." She laughs.

"You're not wrong. A lot of guys like you at school... some girls too." I laugh.

"I can tell Peter likes me some but you're the one he had stronger feelings for. Plus I don't like Peter like that. He's a nice guy and all but I see him more like a best friend."

"Are you only here for that one question?" I ask her and she nods her head.

"I know. It's sad." She laughs so I let her in. "Your aunt working late?" She asks, looking around.

"Yeah." I watch her look at pictures.

"This your parents? It's just because I've never seen them." She points at a picture of my mom and dad at the campsite we used to go to.

"Yeah. Fun fact, I was conceived the day that picture was taken." I walk over to her.

"This is your mom?" She laughs.

"What's funny about that? Am I missing something?" I tilt my head.

"What's funny is that we're cousins." She laughs.

"Cousins?" I repeat.

"My dad has a picture of his sister, he stopped talking to years ago, and your mom is the sister in the picture. My dad is your uncle. We're cousins! How cool is that?" She was excited but I was shocked.

"I wonder why they stopped talking?" I ask.

"Something about he didn't think your dad, her boyfriend when they were younger, wasn't right for her. They had a fight about it then stopped talking." She explained it to me.

"This is weird..." I make a face.

"You should come over sometime for dinner and your family." She smiles and it's weird hearing family because all I had was my aunt Quinn.

"Yeah." I smile.

"Great! I'll go tell them the good news." She walks towards the door. "Bye, cousin!" She rushes off.

Later at night after finishing my dinner, I hear Ben outside shouting Peter's name. I rush outside to see him walk off so I go to May. "What happened?" I ask, seeing she was upset.

"They got in an argument about Peter's dad and that Peter forgot to pick me up." She sighs.

"It's okay. Uncle Ben will find Peter and they'll make up on the way home." I put my arm around her and we wait in the house for them to get back.

I kinda wish I could take back what I said because I felt terrible when we got the news that Ben got shot and didn't make it. The news was heartbreaking because I thought of him as a family too. I grew up with him around.

"Peter." I wrap my arms around him as the police talked to May. He just stood there watching his aunt cry then asked for a wanted sketch of the guy who did. Peter went up to his room as they left and I went to comfort May.

"I know the feeling." I hold her in my arms as she cries.

"You should really comfort Peter more. He was there and you know that feeling." She cries right into me making my tears fall as I nod my head going up to Peter's room. His door was slightly open and I didn't see him so I knew he was behind it.

"Am I allowed to come in?" My voice cracks.

He opens his door crying then pulls me into him, "It's all my fault." He cries into my neck and I use my foot to close his door.

"It's not your fault." I cry rubbing his back.

"He went out looking for me. If I didn't leave he would still be here." He cries as he holds me tighter.

"It's still not your fault. You didn't shoot him. You didn't kill him." I cry telling him what he basically told me when my dad killed himself and I blamed it on me. It's not your fault. You didn't push him. You didn't kill me.

"I couldn't do anything. His body was right in front of me. I was touching him." He cries sitting back down on the floor against the wall.

"Peter, you know I know what it feels like when they are right in front of you." I cry harder. "At least you didn't watch the whole thing." I crouch down in front of him. "I know you feel terrible especially fighting before it happened but he knows how much you love him and how much he meant to you. Everyone has fights with their loved ones." I grab his hand.

"Did you fight with your dad before it happened?" He looks up at me.

"Yes, it was about my mom. Who I also had some harsh words with before the accident. So as I said, I know how you feel." He pulls me to sit down next to him into his side. "I'm here for you just like you were always there for me both times." I wrap my arms around his neck.

I ended up staying at Peter's because we both laid down in his bed crying ourselves to sleep. The next morning I went home to change clothes to go to school. "Peter, you don't have to go. I didn't." I tell him as we walk to school.

"No, I don't need to sit at home. It won't help." He tells me.

"Peter." I take his hand into mine. "Don't forget I'm here for you."

He nods his head squeezing my hand, "I know." We keep walking holding hands.

We stop in front of the school looking at it, "They're gonna look at you and there's nothing you can do about it other than try to ignore them." I let him know.

"I think I can as long as you're with me." He sighs and with a squeeze from my hand we walk in.

As I said as we walk down the halls everyone looks at Peter as he just walks through everyone ignoring them. We stop at his locker so he can get stuff out for classes.

"Hey, Parker." I turn to see Flash come up to us but I could tell by his body language and tone he wasn't gonna start shit.

"Not today Flash." Peter tells him.

"Hey, come on, man. I just want to talk." Flash sets his hand on Peter, making him grab him and pin him up against the lockers.

"Peter." I place my hand on his shoulder as Flash pants.

"It feels better, right? Look, your uncle died. I'm sorry. I get it. I'm sorry. Okay?" Peter puts Flash down before grabbing his bag and closing his locker, walking off grabbing my hand making me follow him.

"It's okay." I say as we stop in front of Gwen. She gives him a hug before he makes us walk off again.

"How many sorries am I gonna get?" Peter sighs as we get to an empty hall.

"A lot and you're not going to wanna hear them but they aren't gonna stop. Especially the first day... it's the worst." I say as we sit down against the wall.

"I remember you snapped in the hall screaming after days telling everyone stop saying sorry and asking if you're okay." Peter leans his head against the wall looking at me.

"It was quite annoying when people you have never talked to say sorry and everyone asking am I okay. Who the hell is going to be okay after watching one of their parents kill themselves?" I do the same to him.

"Promise me something?" I ask him.

"What?" He sighs.

"Promise me, you won't shut me out. While you go through this. I understand people cope in different ways but don't shut people super close to you out. Try being there for your aunt too. She lost her husband." I sigh looking him in the eyes.

"If I was gonna shut you out would I be sitting in this empty hall with you? Would I let us fall asleep in my bed crying? Would I walk around this school holding your hand keeping you close to me? I'm not gonna shut you out. I promise. Now come here." He pulls me closer, resting my head on him as he kisses the top of my head.

#andrew!peter parker #andrew garfield #andrew!spiderman #spider man #spiderman fanfiction #amazing spider man #gwen stacy

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oimoi-op · 4 years ago

Note

when were you diagnosed with t1d?

Ok, so storytime! Short answer is, as of today, barely over two months ago.

(Very long post warning y’all, contains hospital mention and extensive, possibly upsetting descriptions of health conditions, specifically DKA)

My family doesn’t really have a history of T1D or even T2D, though my second-cousin-once-removed has had T1D for over a decade now. So, there was never any reason for me to try and get tests done for it. The only sign I really had up until last semester was two copies of a variant of an HLA gene that I knew about from a 23andMe report (which, according to the report, put me at a higher risk for celiac’s and nothing else), but of course at that time I had no idea that that could mean anything serious; after all, that sort of thing only happens to other people, right?

My college started in-person classes in the latter half of August. By October, I started feeling tired, having a lack of appetite, and needing water very, very badly. I actually went to my school’s clinic, and my erratic heartbeat prompted the doctor to recommend me for a Covid-19 test. My school’s protocols meant that I had to quarantine at my home (since I live within two hours of campus) until I got a negative test result. At home, I was drinking water all the time and sleeping constantly, and my parents had commented on how I’d been losing weight. I thought these were all good things. I had been slightly overweight at my high school graduation, and I’d always heard that drinking a lot of water is good for you, so I thought I was actually in excellent health even if I kind of felt like shit most of the time.

Well. Uh. I was wrong.

When finals came around in mid-November, I was just fucking tired. I’d get a decent eight hours of sleep and still have to take naps during the day. Hell, I was even late for work because I slept through one of my nap alarms. Studying was a pain in the ass. Attending classes was a pain in the ass. Staying awake for Zoom classes was a pain in the ass. I was waking up at 5 am to go to the bathroom, and then I would drink the rest of my water, refill it, drink half of it again, and then go back to sleep. Finally, November 20th rolled around, and I got to leave campus. It was my birthday (yeah I am a Scorpio and that weirds all of my friends out lol), and my parents took me to Fusion. And I just...couldn’t eat at all? I love hibachi, but I couldn’t even eat half of my food. The chef even got me a delicious banana split that I had to basically bully my younger sister into eating with me.

For the next week, I was sleeping about 18 hours a day. I didn’t think this was weird because I’d just had finals so yeah, it makes sense that I would be tired after exams and whatnot. I went shopping with my mom, sister, and sister’s bff. We were only out for a few hours, but I was fucking wiped out y’all, like in pain. Thanksgiving arrived, and again, I love food, I love eating, but I was not hungry in the slightest. I basically had to force myself to eat some of my favorite holiday foods just so I wouldn’t offend my mom, and then I didn’t eat for the day.

The very next morning, I was puking my guts out.

This started a pattern for the next few days: I would eat chicken noodle soup or some other food, sleep like the dead, and throw up every morning and every night. I started chugging large bottles of Gatorade constantly (which, if you know about diabetes and its health complications, did not help my situation in the slightest). I started breathing erratically after very little exertion. Like, I’m talking standing up and stretching brought about heavy, labored breathing. I weighed myself on my parents’ scale, and I was under 130 lbs. Now, for some people this might seem like a lot, but due to my height and build I could fucking see some of my ribs. That was when I started to realize that something was very, very wrong, but “losing weight is good” and I didn’t want my parents to laugh at me for voicing concerns (though, for all their faults, in hindsight, I doubt they would’ve). Yeah. Don’t do that, folks, that’s not a good mindset to have.

On Sunday, my mom took me to town to get tested for Covid. This was despite me saying that I didn’t have symptoms (which I knew very well due to some of my friends catching it at school). Rapid test came back negative, so I did a culture test. Hell, while I was sitting in the damn chair, I was about to pass out. I asked for a nausea pill but my mouth was too dry for it to dissolve. I got a cup of water, downed it all, and felt like my throat was on fire. For the rest of the day I felt so, so awful. At some point I was walking toward my bed in my room and I fucking fell. I’m fucking lucky there was carpet.

Regarding the rest of that night, things start to get blurry, for the lack of a better term. I legitimately cannot recall everything that happened that night or the following two days, so I will just try to explain it in the way I remember it best.

Around...midnight or one??? I was on fucking fire, so I went to my bathroom and decided to lie on the floor. The floor was hardwood and not at all cold, and it wasn’t fucking comfortable even in that state, but I was just in so much pain I didn’t even care. My mom must’ve heard because she found me there and asked me what I was doing. I said something about the floor. She asked me to go back to bed, but I must’ve scared her because she asked me if I wanted her to lie in the bed with me. I don’t remember what I said to her, but we were in the bed and she was trying to hug me, but she was too warm and so I told her to stop. I kept feeling this burning just below my chest, like there was acid in me (which I guess wasn’t too far off), so I would randomly sit up to try and alleviate the pain and not cry. I remember asking my mom to take me to the hospital in the morning.

My mom put me in the truck (I think around 5 am is what she told me). I remembered hearing my dad. I was lying down. Then I was awake, but I was on the floor. I thought this was wrong so I tried to tell my mom that but I guess I couldn’t talk. Then I was in a hospital bed, the ER I assume. My mom gave me some water with a sponge, and I was just so fucking thirsty. Then I was in the ICU hooked up to a bunch of machines. I didn’t know what was going on, but my mom kept giving me water with that sponge. That is all I remember from Monday.

I remember a little bit more from Tuesday. My mom said something about diabetes, but that didn’t make any sense to me because I wasn’t “fat” and I’d been losing weight, even! What had I done to get diabetes? I was thirsty and tired, so I slept a lot. At some point I really needed to use the restroom so I unhooked my IV???? (I mean I must’ve disconnected myself somehow but I can’t remember the details) which set off a shit ton of alarms and people were Very Concerned and kept asking me Why Did You Do That? But I just needed to go to the restroom, and they told me to use the Red Button to Call the Nurse (it was already there, and I now realize that we’d probably had a similar conversation about the Red Button to Call the Nurse possibly multiple times before this) in the future. A Chopped Teen Tournament from 2017 was playing on the TV nonstop. There were commercials for CGMs. I thought that God wasn’t being very funny about the whole thing.

As of now I remember even less of Wednesday, but I know that felt better. There was this diabetes specialist who kept talking about insulin and life at college moving forward, but I wasn’t really there, either because of being so out of it for health reasons, disassociating, or a combination of the two. My mom told me she had emailed a professor so he would give me an extension on an assignment that was due by then, and I remember crying because I thought that was just so nice of him. That night, this guy got me in a wheelchair and put me in another room, which I would later learn was the ACU. My night nurse was this nice woman named Tanya, who had a very thick Eastern European accent. She got me orange juice to take some potassium pills, but it felt like swallowing rocks. I didn’t really get a lot of sleep, so I was awake when the nurses changed shifts. I remember one of them expressing surprise that I was out of the ICU so early.

My mom took longer to come that day because nobody had told her I’d been moved. I’d had plain Cheerios and orange juice for breakfast, but I couldn’t really eat because my throat hurt so badly. I talked to a lot of doctors. I guess at this point or somewhere near it I accepted that I had diabetes, but it wasn’t really real until the same diabetes specialist was going over carbs. I thought I was never going to eat shit I liked ever again. I really wanted a fucking McChicken sandwich. I signed some papers for Medicaid because I had aged out of the CHIP while in the hospital. I finally texted my friends and explained to them what had happened. I was so fucking tired.

I got out the next day, so that was Thursday. Normally, I would’ve been in the hospital much longer (especially because my Medicaid hadn’t been approved, meaning no insurance had approved of my insulin yet), but Covid cases were on the rise and the hospital wanted me out of there. The diabetes specialist and one of my nurses snuck me two fast-acting and two basal insulin pens, and I was out. I ate half a McChicken, a small fry, and drank my first Diet Coke. It tasted like diesel mixed with piss.

That’s the gist of it. The hospital staff was very nice and thoughtful the entire time, I think. I felt as though everyone involved cared about my health a lot.

For those of you who aren’t T1D or just don’t know, what I experienced is called DKA, short for diabetic ketoacidosis. To simplify, I was very close to entering a diabetic coma. My sister later told me that our dad had said (I assume a doctor had told my mother, who, in turn, had told him) that I was “approximately 45 minutes” away from death. DKA happens when a diabetic (usually a T1D like me) has too much blood sugar in their body due to them lacking the insulin necessary to break the sugar down, so their body breaks down their fat reserves and muscle to get the energy it needs. This is why I lost around 50 pounds over the course of a few months (I was 118 lbs. when I entered the hospital, the lowest I’ve been since grade school). I was officially diagnosed with T1D on November 30th, just ten days after my 19th birthday, which is a little older than normal I believe. It’s...well, it’s not fun, but I feel very grateful for my large support system, and tomorrow I’m trying out a CGM for the first time and applying for both it and a pump, so things are really looking up

#personal #iamapincushion #t1d #type one diabetes #type one diabetic #dka #diabetic ketoacidosis #tw hospital #tw dka #i don't think you meant me for to respond with such a long answer #but #well #it's something i've been wanting to post for a while now and this seemed like a good opportunity

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buriedinbaltimore · 4 years ago

Note

so tell me about the cyberpunk au 👀 lmao okay i want to know about the mary/nathan jewish mafia!

Mean!! I will attempt a summary though lol.

So the cyberpunk au was supposed to be for the reverse big bang, but life fucked me up and I couldn’t write it in time. I am cowriting it with the amazing lizzy @wishbonetea, maybe you’ve heard of them? They designed a fucking cool as shit companion website that delves into the world of the Foxes, a group of hackers founded by Kayleigh Day, who are working to bring down the Moriyama Corporation, who own and control the internet. Moriyama Corp also controls the production of replicants, genetically engineered synthetic humans who are used as slave labor. Neil Josten and his mother ran away from his cult leader father 10 years ago and have been using a unique nanotechnology that Mary developed to hide themselves in a world where everyone is under constant surveillance. After Mary is killed, Neil discovers the Foxes and their community of people forging their own way of life, hidden from Moriyama Corp. Neil soon realizes there is more for him at the Palmetto Commune than a place to hide from his father, and that his mother was once more involved in the resistance than he ever could have imagined.

((there is so much going on in this story, wow!))

The Mary/Nathan Jewish Mafia wip is something I haven’t looked at in a while, but is very personal for me. Basically, it’s my take on Mary’s origin story, and how she and Nathan fell in love. I headcanon Mary and Nathan as jewish. The Hatford family were very orthodox, and Mary’s father used religion as an excuse to abuse and control Mary and her mother. Mary grew up resenting Judaism and God and when she finally escaped to America she had a journey of rejecting everything she grew up being told, and then coming to terms with what she really believed in and what she wanted to hold on to. Nathan I imagine as being a very secular jew, his parents were not religious either, and Mary finds his perspective incredibly interesting. They end up falling in love, and Mary’s family are actually how Nathan gets started in organized crime, because he was kinda just bumbling around but Mary’s father decided if that if he was going to marry his daughter he’d need to be able to provide (also open up opportunities for the Hatfords in America). But Nathan quickly rises up the ranks and eventually shakes the crime world up by starting his own “family” that isn’t dependent on shared ethnicity with himself at the head.

I’m gonna add a read more for why its so personal to me, and throw in a cw for a mention of child sexual abuse and discussions of misogyny and intergenerational trauma. (I’m not really sure how to label it, but if you need more clarification please ask)

Growing up, my mother never had a good relationship with her mom, and when I got older I found out that she was sexually abused as a child and her parents basically did nothing about it. Then when my mom was 15 years old, her mom started setting her up on dates with her coworkers. There was a pattern of sexual assault throughout my moms life, up until she met my dad. Her parents were neglectful and horrible, and when I found out about all of this I could not imagine how or why my mom continued any relationship with them at all.

I learned more about my grandma’s upbringing through my 2nd cousins. It turns out, her father (my great grandfather) was in the Jewish mob. I heard stories about the FBI coming to their house in Brooklyn, and them finding a gun in a storage unit. He was abusive to all his children, but especially his daughters. My grandma has repressed most of her own memories about her childhood, but from what I could gleam from family members it was extremely messed up. She learned, and taught to my mom, that women basically exist to serve men. Any reaction a man has to you is your responsibility, if you turn him on, it’s your fault, if you upset him, its your fault. You need to be a good girl and cater to the whims of the men in your life, and they are never at fault.

My mom has been through some therapy, and she decided she wanted her children to have grandparents, even if her own relationship with her parents was strained. I respect her choice, and I understand that my grandma has been through things I can never understand. Still, I don’t forgive her for how she treated my mom, and I do blame her. She is still my grandma and she is still in our lives, but learning to live with the complex feelings I have about her was a struggle and I continue to struggle with it.

And one of the hardest parts was recognizing how my mother’s trauma and her mother’s trauma contributed to my own. My sister’s and I occasionally discuss how it’s affected us, and especially our relationships with men, whether they are romantic, platonic, or even professional.

This fic was one way I tired to make sense of all those complicated feelings of pity and anger and guilt and disgust. It is a huge mess and idk if it’ll ever be something publishable, but its therapeutic if nothing else.

#saestrah #asks #jes.post #ask game #wips #this might be tmi #sorry! im feeling very open today #or i was until i wrote that now id like to take a nap #maybe is should ask people to not reblog?#yeah please do not reblog this thank you!#sorry we cant boost the cyberpunk au now lizzy :/ but we can do a different post!

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440mxs-wife · 4 years ago

Text

The Wedding Date

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Your phone notification dinged, indicating an email had been sent to you. When you opened the email app, you noticed it was from your mother. The subject line was: Your Cousin Jenna's Wedding RSVP. You closed your eyes and groaned in frustration.

This was your youngest cousin getting married, and she asked you to be one of her bridesmaids. Once she was married, it would make you the last of the cousins to still be single. You didn't even have a boyfriend or any prospects of one except maybe....

Castiel....

Not even Sam or Dean had any inkling about your attraction to the blue-eyed angel, or at least you didn't think they knew. Castiel was always kind to you, sweet, understanding and seemed to enjoy your company. He especially was there with you any time you were in the kitchen, particularly when you were baking. It was one of the few times when you had his undivided attention.

His smile made your heart feel lighter, and his deep, gravelly voice turned your knees to jelly. His sapphire eyes appeared to burrow their way into your soul. You hoped that he couldn't see all the way in to where you kept hidden your true feelings towards him. You doubted that he returned those feelings, and you certainly couldn't bear the embarrassment if he knew how you felt.

As you were reading the email with the itinerary of wedding festivities, Dean entered the library. He was passing through on the way to his room, but with one look at your face, he knew you were upset. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

You sighed deeply before answering. "My cousin Jenna is getting married in two weeks, and my mom just emailed me the schedule for the wedding activities," you answered.

"That doesn't sound so bad. What's the problem?" he pushed.

"The 'problem' is, I told my mom that I kind of....had a boyfriend. Now she wants to meet him, and I can't bring someone who doesn't exist," you finished.

"You could say that you broke up with your imaginary boyfriend, which would solve the whole 'meeting your mom' problem," Dean suggested.

"True, but that's not the only issue. My ex, Jeremy, is also supposed to be there. He and I broke up well before I came here and started hunting with you guys. He's friends with the best man, so it's going to be very hard to ignore him the whole time. Besides that, I wanted him to see me with someone. Then, I could rub it in his face that I'm with someone much better than him," you explained.

The more you thought about the situation, the more you decided that you were going to send your regrets. You would attend the ceremony, maybe the reception, but you would definitely skip the pre-wedding activities fiasco. Dean told you not to be so hasty, to tell your mom that there would be two of you. What little time there was before you had to travel would be spent trying to think of a way out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A couple of days later, you still hadn't come up with a solution. You went to the kitchen for something to drink, and came back with a bottle of water. When you returned to the living room, you noticed that Castiel had appeared. As soon as he saw you, he broke into a huge smile, which lit up his entire face. "Hello, Castiel," you greeted him with a shy smile.

"It's lovely to see you. I hope your day is going well for you," Cas remarked.

"So far, so good, Cas. I hope you're having a good day as well," you replied. You dropped your gaze because you were blushing furiously and didn't want anyone to see, especially Castiel.

Cas hooked his finger under your chin and tilted your head up to meet your eyes. "You have such a luminous smile. You should show it more often. And for the record, any day that I get to see you is a good day," Cas said, placing his other hand on yours.

"Thank you, Cas," you gave him a smile. As you went to the library to do some reading, you ran your hand across his back from one shoulder to the other.

As Dean watched the exchange between you and Castiel, a plan began to form in his mind. "Yeah, I'll be right back. I'm headed into town to pick up something for dinner," Dean explained. "Hey Sammy? Let's go for a food run!" You heard Sam shout back that he would meet Dean in the Impala.

A short while later, your phone dinged with another email notification. You opened the email and frowned as you read it. Cas noticed your facial expression. "Is something wrong? You look unhappy," he noted.

"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing, Cas. Just another email from my mother about my cousin Jenna's wedding in a week or so. I'm one of the bridesmaids. Mom is 'overjoyed' at finally meeting my boyfriend, and, of course, has told my entire family about it," you grumbled.

An unpleasant and slightly unfamiliar feeling came over Cas in reaction to your statement of your mother meeting your boyfriend. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Do Sam and Dean know him? When will I get to meet him?" he asked tightly.

"Probably never, Cas, he doesn't exist. I don't have a boyfriend now, and probably never will again," you muttered.

"Then why did you tell your mother you had one?" he asked, his head tilted to one side.

You looked down at your hands, not really wanting to answer. "Because," you started. "I was tired of her asking me when I was going to get married. So, I lied to her, and before you say it, yes, I know it was wrong. But, I never thought there would be any occasion that she would ever need physical confirmation that I actually had a boyfriend. Now there is," you finished quietly.

"I see. Why don't you think you'll ever have another boyfriend?" he asked innocently.

"Cas, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about this anymore. Excuse me," you quickly got up from your chair and ran to your room before he could see your tears.

Sam and Dean came down the spiral staircase in time to see you bolt from the library. Cas stared after you, wondering what he had done to make you leave like that. "I don't understand, Dean. One minute we were talking about her cousin's wedding and her 'boyfriend', and the next minute she's running out of here....in tears," Cas explained sadly. "It's my fault that she's crying. Maybe I should go in and talk to her--"

Dean cut him off. "Whoa, buddy hold on there a minute. Give her some time. She'll come back out when she's ready," Dean assured Cas.

"Since when does she have a boyfriend? I've never seen her with anyone," Sam interjected.

"She doesn't have a boyfriend, Sam. She told her mother that because she was tired of being asked when she was going to get married. It makes me sad to hear her say that she doesn't think she'll ever have another boyfriend, or someone to care for her in that way," Cas added.

"Really, Cas?" Dean asked as he leaned back in his chair. "Well, now that we're on the subject, what do you think of her?"

Castiel thought for a minute as a smile slowly crept across his face. "She's the most amazing woman I've ever met, with such a beautiful soul. Her eyes are so expressive, I can tell what she's thinking without reading her mind. When she smiles, I can't help but smile with her, and her laughter makes me feel warm inside.

"Whenever I'm around her, my heart races and I have this feeling in my stomach. And it feels like a part of me is missing when I'm not with her. Is this what you humans call....love?" he asked, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"I would say that's exactly what it is, Cas. You're in love with her," Sam confirmed with a grin.

"And judging by what I saw earlier, I'd say she also has feelings for you, Cas," Dean added.

Cas let the knowledge sink in about the possibility that you would return his affection. "Love," he whispered, a grin slowly spreading across his face.

"Gentleman and Angel-man? We have a very distraught woman--whom we love--who's crying in her room and needs our help. Between the three of us, I'm sure we can come up with some sort of plan to help her out," Dean winked conspiratorially. "Here's what I think we should do," he started, as he and Sam dug into the pizza.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day came when you had to fly out to be at Jenna's wedding. On the way to the airport, Dean had told you not to worry, that he discussed your situation with an old friend of his.

He said that this friend has agreed to meet your mom and pose as your boyfriend for appearances' sake. His friend would be by your side for the wedding and reception. Dean assured you that his friend was definitely someone better than your ex-boyfriend, Jeremy. And, he would be more than enough to make him jealous. All you had to do is tell your mom and everyone that he had to work, but would meet you at her house in time for the wedding.

You took a taxi from the airport to your mom's house. You walked up the steps to the porch and rang the doorbell. Your mom threw open the door and squealed at seeing you. She burst through and nearly knocked you over when she hugged you. She pulled back from the hug and looked left, right and behind you. "So, where is he?" she asked excitedly.

"He had to work, Mom, but he said he'll be here in time for the wedding. Let's go inside, okay?" you suggested. She threw her arm around your shoulder and you went inside the house.

You went up to your old room, pulled out your phone and called Dean. You thought they might be out on a hunt, but to your surprise, Dean picked up after two rings. You told him you made it to your mom's house safely, and that she already asked about your "boyfriend". You wanted to make sure that his friend would still be there for the wedding events. Dean told you to have a little faith, and assured you that his friend would be there in time. You thanked him and hung up.

After your phone call to Dean, you went down to the kitchen to see if you could help your mom with anything. She was making some food for the rehearsal dinner tonight. You sat down, pulled grapes from their stems, sliced them in half and added them to the fruit salad.

One of your cousins, Brenda, came in for something to drink. While you were growing up, she always knew just how to get under your skin about certain things, especially your love life. She noticed you sitting at the kitchen table and said how nice it was to see you. "So," she started. "Where's this 'mystery man' of yours?" she asked.

"He's not a 'mystery', Brenda," you replied wearily. "He had to work, so he'll be flying in a little later, in time for the wedding," you answered.

"Really? Come on, let's be honest. You don't have a boyfriend, do you? If you did, I'm sure we would've heard something more about him by now. Usually, you don't bring a new boyfriend to this kind of thing anyway. Too much pressure, you know, all those relatives," she smirked.

"Tell us about him, sweetheart," your mom prompted.

"Well......," you started. You had no idea what Dean's friend looked like, so you based your description off of the only man who has had or will ever have your heart. "He has dark hair, not too tall, intense blue eyes," you smiled as you thought of Castiel. "He's kind, sweet, likes to spend time talking to me while I'm in the kitchen. Especially when I'm baking," you giggled.

At that moment, one of your cousin's kids came in to tell you that there was a visitor for you at the door. Could this be Dean's friend, arriving early? you asked yourself as you made your way to the front door.

More of your cousins' kids were running around, playing hide-and-seek, and one of them happened to run into you. "Hey, now, how about keeping your eyes open next time," you playfully growled. You grabbed the offending child in a hug, kissed the top of his head, then sent him back to play. Grinning, you looked up to see who your visitor was, and gasped when you saw a familiar trench coat. "Castiel?!?"

"Hello Honeybee, I'm so sorry I'm late," Castiel smiled as he gathered you into his arms. "Dean said I should do this when I first see you," he whispered. Cas lowered his head and pressed your lips to his in a soft, sweet kiss. Remind me to thank Dean when I get home, you thought. "I won't let you forget," Cas murmured in your ear. You blushed as you remembered he could hear your thoughts.

Your mother came to the door just in time to see Castiel giving you his "hello" kiss. "Mom, I would like you to meet my boyfriend, Castiel. Cas, this is my mom, Ava," you said.

Your cousin Brenda wasn't far behind your mom, and when she saw you and Castiel kissing, her mouth nearly dropped to the floor. "Close your mouth, Bren, if you don't want to catch flies," you smirked.

"A pleasure to meet you Ava," Cas clasped your mother's hand in greeting. "Welcome, Castiel, so nice you could join us for such a festive occasion," she remarked.

"Thank you, I'm glad to be a part of it. Anything for my Honeybee," he grinned as he took your hand, intertwining your fingers.

"Do you need help with your luggage, sweetheart?" you asked Cas. "I just have the one bag, darling, but I can get it, thank you. Um, where should I take it?" he asked. You looked at your mom, and she indicated that he could take it upstairs to your room. She gave you a wink as you started up the stairs, blushing the entire way.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* You closed the door to your room once Cas was inside. "C-can I take your coat, Cas?" you stammered. He handed his trench coat and suit coat over so you could carefully hang them up in your closet. You went over to sit on your bed, and soon Cas joined you. "Are-are you sure you want to go through with this? Pose as my boyfriend until after the wedding is over?" you asked timidly as you looked down at your hands. Cas turned so he was facing you straight on. "I am honored to do this for you and be your boyfriend," Cas replied. "But I have a few conditions," he quickly added.

"Such as?" you asked, slightly raising your head.

Cas leaned closer to you before listing his "conditions" to being your boyfriend. "First, you must not speak badly about yourself to yourself," he stated, kissing your nose. "Second, you must always remember what a stunning, vibrant woman you are," he added, kissing your cheek. "Last, but certainly never least, remember that you are deserving of love, and know that I will never cease to remind you," he promised.

His thumb brushed lightly over your lips. "I think it may be time for a reminder. May I show you?" he asked. Curious, you nodded slowly. Cas cupped his hand behind your head, pulling you closer to claim your lips with his. You wound your left arm around his neck, while running your right index finger along his strong jawline.

When you finally broke the kiss, you were both breathing heavily. "That was....amazing, Cas," you whispered. He touched his forehead to yours. "I would say the same, Honeybee," Cas agreed with a grin.

You and Cas sat and talked about what to expect this weekend. You warned him that he would likely meet many more of your family members. Aunts, uncles, more cousins and more of their kids, all sure to be curious about him. Being one of sixteen grown-up first cousins meant that there would be lots of kids.

About an hour later, your mother started packing up the food. She knocked on your door to let you know she was leaving. Everyone was headed out to the church for the rehearsal and then to decorate the reception hall. You said you and Cas would meet her there shortly, and that you would take your car.

A 1968 Royal Blue Chevy Nova with a white racing stripe was parked in your mom's driveway with a car cover on it. You pulled off the cover and stowed it in the trunk then slid behind the wheel. You turned the key in the ignition and grinned as the engine roared to life then settled into a gentle purr.

The rehearsal went off without any problems, except that Jeremy was your escort down the aisle. You thought to yourself how you'd almost rather be mauled by a werewolf than be anywhere near him. Unfortunately, you had no choice in the matter, so you decided to focus on not tripping on your dress and ignoring Jeremy.

On the drive over to the reception hall, you told Cas that the decorating would be done the old-fashioned way, using no angel mojo to zap it in place. He pretended to pout, which made you laugh at the funny yet adorable face he made. Cas grinned as he picked up your hand again in his and brushed his lips over the back of it. This small but intimate gesture sent a jolt of electricity up your arm and made your heart beat a little faster.

Your mom put you and Cas in charge of table decorations. First, you and Cas covered the tables with linen tablecloths. In the middle, you placed a vase with silk roses, while Cas added the electric candles around the vase. You stepped back to view your handiwork, and when you turned to look at Cas, he had a smile on his face. More than a few times, he brushed his lips across the back of your hand. He was happy to be helping and spending time with you, becoming closer with you.

At one point, you ran out of tablecloths, so you left Cas to look for your mother. As you turned a corner, you nearly ran into Jeremy. Your near-collision caused him to spill his drink all down his chest. "Now look what you did, you idiot!" he snarled, then he caught your eye. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you! Are you okay?" he wondered.

"Like you care. I need to find my mother to get some more tablecloths, Jeremy. Excuse me," you retorted as you tried to push past him.

"Wait, wait a minute, would you? I haven't seen you in so long, how have you been?" Jeremy asked.

"I'm fine, Jeremy, nice talking to you," you answered.

He caught your hand and rubbed his thumb on the back of it. "You look amazing," he remarked. "Can we please go somewhere and talk?" he pleaded.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Jeremy. Besides, I'm with someone," you announced as you pulled your hand from his grasp.

Jeremy gave a loud snort. "Oh, that's right. Brenda gave me his description, but where is he? Oh, and we want to know for the record--which escort service did you get him from? Must have cost a small fortune," he snickered.

You couldn't believe your burning ears. Not only did your ex-boyfriend think you were incapable of finding someone who loved you, so did your cousin Brenda. You turned away before Jeremy could see the tears building in your eyes. "I need more tablecloths. Excuse me," you whispered as you ran off to find your mom.

The decorating was finished about an hour later, so you went back to your mom's house. You were a bit nervous, because you hadn't yet discussed sleeping arrangements with Cas. It was late, so you and Cas changed into sleeping attire and prepared to slip beneath the covers.

Cas got in first and held out his arms, indicating he wanted you close by his side. Here it was, you were about to have one of your dream scenarios happen in real life. Heart pounding wildly, you moved closer until your head was resting on his upper chest. Your left arm was wrapped around his midsection while he curled his free arm around you. "Goodnight, Castiel," you murmured.

"Sweet dreams, Honeybee," Cas whispered, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning was a flurry of activity, getting ready for the early afternoon wedding. You made sure to get one or your mom's famous cinnamon rolls and a decent cup of coffee. After that, you went back up to your room to shower and get dressed to go to the church. Cas was already dressed by the time you came back upstairs.

You put your hair styling gear and makeup in a bag, grabbed your shoes and your dress then you both headed downstairs. Your bridesmaid's dress was a strapless, floor-length, navy blue A-line dress with a criss-cross bodice. Fortunately, the bride said it didn't matter if everyone's shoes matched, so you settled on some silver sparkly flats.

You and Cas went in your car to the church, in case either of you felt like leaving early. Pictures with the wedding party were taken after the ceremony, then you drove your car over to the reception hall for the dinner. Afterwards, members of the wedding party offered their toasts to the bride and groom, yourself included. Then tables and chairs were cleared to reveal the dance floor so that the music and dancing could start.

At one point, you stood alone, listening to the music. You scanned the room for Castiel and watched everyone else out on the dance floor. You had just placed your empty champagne flute on the table when you felt two strong arms snake around your waist from behind. You turned around in his embrace, winding your arms around his neck. "There you are, I've been looking for you," you grinned. "Cas, honey, would you like something to drink, or perhaps a piece of cake?" you asked.

"No thank you, sweetheart. But would you like to dance?" he said as he tugged a bit on your hand.

"I would love to," you smiled and allowed him to lead you to the dance floor. The DJ played a slow song, so Cas spun you around once before drawing you into his arms. He had one hand holding yours and the other splayed across your upper back.

As you and Cas swayed together in time with the music, he couldn't stop gazing into your eyes and smiling. "In case I forgot to tell you, you look absolutely gorgeous, my dear," he remarked, pulling you closer.

Your cheeks felt blazing hot as you dropped your gaze. "Thank you, Cas," you replied with a shy smile.

When the song ended, you decided you'd had enough fun for one evening. "Cas, I'm a little tired and I'd like to head back to my mother's house. If that's okay with you," you hastily added.

"Of course, whatever you wish, Honeybee," Cas replied.

"I probably should tell Mom where we've gone," you remarked as you scanned the room. Cas said that he would find your mom and inform her of your whereabouts. As soon as Cas left, you heard a voice you'd rather forget. "Well, well, so he's your 'boyfriend', hmm? You two looked awfully cozy out on that dance floor," Jeremy smirked.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, wishing Jeremy would just go away, but you knew he wouldn't. "Jeremy, why must you torture me? Didn't you do that enough by cheating on me after we were together five years?" you asked.

"Oh, come on! Drop the act and just admit it! You two aren't really together, you only hired him to be your boyfriend so you didn't have to look so pathetic!" Jeremy exclaimed.

Something in you snapped and you got right up in Jeremy's face. "You are a jackass. You have no right to disrespect me or Castiel with your ugly assumptions, and I won't stand for it. He's a million times the man you could ever hope to be. He's kind, compassionate and he's never cheated on me," you retorted.

Castiel must have sensed your distress because in a split second, he was dodging chairs and tables left and right to get to you. "Sweetheart, are you all right? You look upset," Cas was back at your side, taking you into his arms.

"I'm fine," you replied. "Can we please leave?" Cas nodded and kissed your forehead. With his arm around your shoulders, he led you out to your car.

Once you were back in your room, you both changed into pajamas and sat on your bed talking, your backs resting against your headboard. During your conversation, you explained about what happened between you and your ex-boyfriend Jeremy. How you were together for five years, but for some reason, he decided he didn't want you anymore, because he cheated on you. "I guess that's why I keep thinking I'll never find someone to love me," you finished.

When he heard this, Castiel was almost overwhelmed with emotion for you. He was angry with Jeremy for betraying you this way. He didn't want to imagine how hurt you must have been when you discovered the infidelity. His heart ached to hear that you seemed to have given up on finding someone to love you.

He shifted on the bed so he was facing you and so he could look into your honey-and-green eyes. Castiel cupped your cheek and caressed it with his thumb. He slowly leaned towards you until your lips were only a fraction of an inch apart. "You are so beautiful to me, my lovely Honeybee. I think it's time for another reminder," he remarked softly before capturing your mouth in a searing kiss.

"Oh Cas," you breathed, incapable of much verbal expression beyond that. You slipped your hand up to his neck, tracing his strong jawline on the way. Your touch seemed to awaken something in him. You could almost swear you heard him growl softly just before he deepened the kiss. You're so wonderful and amazing, my angel, you thought, not caring if Cas heard you say this in your mind. Between kisses, your name mixed with sweet words of love in Enochian dropped from his lips like a prayer.

When you finally broke apart, you both were trying to catch your breath with your foreheads touching. You grinned at each other, holding hands with interlaced fingers.

You decided to test the waters a bit. "Cas, you being here with me....this isn't pretend for you, is it? Because you should know that this is very real for me. I've had feelings for you for quite some time," you blurted out. "I mean, I understand if--" he placed his index finger on your lips. "No, my love, this isn't pretend for me. And it warms my heart to know that it's real for you. When Sam, Dean and I came up with this plan to help you, I told them how much I cared for you. They helped me to see that what I was feeling for you was love. Dean told me he suspected that you had feelings for me as well," Cas finished. "Well, he was right about that," you smiled. "It feels so empty when you're not around, and I always look forward to the next time we might see each other. The time we spend together while I'm working in the kitchen is very special to me. Maybe we could find other things to do outside of the kitchen," you suggested. Cas reached over and tucked a wayward lock of hair behind your ear. "That sounds like a wonderful idea, sweetheart," he grinned before pulling you into another passionate kiss.

"I love you, Cas," you said softly.

"I love you, my Honeybee," Cas replied.

#castiel #castiel x reader #spn imagines #spn fluff

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